The Pleasure Bunny Blog

Sex: Fact and Fiction

What’s the average penis size? How fast is premature ejaculation? Exactly where is the G-spot? Grab a ruler and a stopwatch as the experts sort sex myths from the facts.

By Rob Baedeker
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang. MD

If there were a roll call for the founding fathers of sex myths for men, a couple of no-brainers would surely make the list: porn legend John Holmes, whose yule-log-size penis still casts a shadow over anxiety-prone males. Ditto NBA-great Wilt Chamberlain, whose claim of having slept with 20,000 women makes Don Juan look monastic.

And then there’s purveyor-of-sex-myths Walt Disney.

“I think Walt Disney creates a lot of mythology,” says Seth Prosterman, PhD, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in San Francisco. “In Disney movies, people fall in love and walk into the sunset, and you get this myth that intimacy is a given once you fall in love, and sexuality is natural and follows that.”

In reality, says Prosterman, “Sex is something that we learn throughout a lifetime.”

If sexuality is a continuing education, a lot of us are scrambling to make up course credits. And in a realm that’s clouded by ego, myth and advertising that preys on anxieties, getting the facts about sex can be difficult. What is the average size of the male penis? How long do most men last during intercourse? Can men have multiple orgasms? Does the G-spot exist, and if so, how do I find it?

(Need to talk to the guys about something? Check out the Men’s Health: Man-to-Man message board for straight talk.)

Penis Size: The Hard Facts

“Drastically enlarge the penis length and width to sizes previously thought impossible!” reads a website for the Penis Enlargement Patch. (One envisions a lab-coated mad scientist pouring chemicals on his own penis, then shouting “Eureka!” and phoning the Guinness Book.) Almost anyone with an email account has been deluged by spam for such miracle-growth patches and pills, and the endurance of sex myths may explain the pervasiveness of such ads.

“We equate masculinity and power with penis size,” says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. “Of course, there’s really no relationship.” Still, Sharlip says, “all” of his patients want to increase their penis size.

The idea that bigger is better is “not just total mythology,” says Seth Prosterman, who has counseled couples since 1984 and notes that some of the women he’s worked with do prefer a bigger penis — aesthetically or “fit-wise.” But, he adds, “For the vast majority of partners, penis size doesn’t matter.”

So what, exactly, constitutes a big penis? Let’s whip out some data:

The average penis size is between five and six inches. That’s for an erect penis.
The flaccid male organ averages around three and a half inches.

Sex Fact: We Are Not Our Penises

If you had an anxiety hiccup before you read the “erect” qualifier, consider it a metaphor for the danger of jumping to conclusions about penis size — or about the primacy of the penis altogether.

“The idea that the penis is the most important part of your body underlies so many of men’s sexual problems,” says Cory Silverberg, a sexual health educator and founding member of Come As You Are, an education-based sex store in Toronto. “One of the biggest sex myths for men is the notion that we are our penises, and that’s all that counts in terms of sex.”

“It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.

OK, OK, Size Isn’t Important. But How Can I Increase My Penis Size?

Despite the facts, the din of penis-enlargement marketing only seems to grow louder. (“Realize total and absolute power and domination in bed with your partner, with your new-found penis size and sexual performance” screams the ad for the Penis Enlargement Patch.) Men keep chasing after the mythical, mammoth-sized member.

Silverberg says male clients at his store, and in his counseling work, constantly ask him about penis pumps, whose powers of elongation, he says, are a “myth,” although he adds that some men who’ve used them report satisfaction, a phenomenon he explains this way: “I think spending more time paying attention to our genitals will probably increase our sexual health.”

Just the Facts on the G-Spot

If sex myths have such power over men’s thinking about their own anatomy, they have even more sway when it comes to female partners’ bodies — especially the much-debated G-spot.

Named after a German doctor, Ernst Gräfenberg, who first wrote about an erogenous zone in the anterior vaginal wall, the G-spot was popularized by a 1982 book called … The G-spot. This region behind the pubic bone is often credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation.

At the same time, the G-spot is commonly derided as perpetuating the myth ensconced by Sigmund Freud — namely, that the clitoral orgasm is a “lesser” form of climax than the vaginal orgasm, which requires penile penetration. As Ian Kerner summarizes, “In Freud’s view, there were no two ways about it: If a woman couldn’t be satisfied by penetrative sex, something must be wrong with her.”

The G-spot’s existence is still debated, and whether it’s fact or fiction depends on whom you ask.

“The G-spot exists,” says Seth Prosterman. “It’s a source of powerful orgasm for a percentage of women.”

“I don’t think the G-spot exists,” says Ira Sharlip. “As urologists, we operate in that area [where the G-spot should be] and there just isn’t anything there — there’s no anatomical structure that’s there.”

Prosterman and others point out the importance of thinking of the G-spot in context — that it may be an extension of the clitoral anatomy, which extends back into the vaginal canal. Kerner writes that the G-spot may be “nothing more than the roots of the clitoris crisscrossing the urethral sponge.”

Helen O’Connell, MD, head of the neurourology and continence unit at the Royal Melbourne Hospital Department of Urology in Australia, says, “The G-spot has a lot in common with Freud’s idea of vaginal orgasms. It is a sexual concept, this time anatomical, that results in confusion and has resulted in the misconception that female sexuality is extremely complex.”

In the end, whether this debated locus of pleasure is fact or fiction may not matter that much. O’Connell, who is also co-author of a 2005 Journal of Urology study on the anatomy of the clitoris, says that focusing on the G-spot to the exclusion of the rest of a woman’s body is “a bit like stimulating a guy’s testicles without touching the penis and expecting an orgasm to occur just because love is present.” She says focusing on the inside of the vagina to the exclusion of the clitoris is “unlikely to bring about orgasm. It is best to think of the clitoris, urethra, and vagina as one unit because they are intimately related.”

How Long, Part 2: How Premature Is Premature Ejaculation?

The possibilities for exploring a woman’s erogenous zones may be tremendously exciting — which leads to another source of sex myth and male anxiety: How long can I last? And how long should I be able to last?

Premature ejaculation is “the most common form of sexual dysfunction in younger men” according to Ira Sharlip, and its prevalence is around 20% to 30% in men of all ages.

The medical method of determining premature ejaculation is called “intravaginal ejaculatory latency time” (IELT), a stopwatch-timed duration measured from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation occurs. However, Sharlip adds, this quantitative measure doesn’t tell the whole story: “There are men who ejaculate within a minute but say that they don’t have premature ejaculation. And then on other end of spectrum, there are patients who are able to last for 20 minutes, and they say they do have premature ejaculation.”

In other words, the definition of “premature” may be largely in the eye (or mind) of the beholder, and depends on a man’s sexual satisfaction and his perception of his ability to control when ejaculation occurs.

If you just can’t wait for the numbers, though, a 2005 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found “a median IELT of 5.4 minutes.”

Ian Kerner says a common cutoff time used to define premature ejaculation is two minutes, but he adds that many of the men he works with “are not guys who can last a few minutes; they’re having orgasms during foreplay, or immediately upon penetrating. They have a hard time lasting past 30 seconds.”

But a quick trigger is normal, says Kerner. “Men were wired to ejaculate quickly — and stressful situations make them ejaculate even more quickly. It’s been important to the human race. If guys took an hour to ejaculate, we’d be a much smaller planet.”

Sex therapists and physicians offer a number of techniques that can help men manage their anxiety and prolong their time to ejaculation. Several drugs — like some antidepressants (used for off-label treatment) and topical sprays — have been shown to extend time to ejaculation.

And, contrary to the common perception that distraction or decreasing stimulation is the answer (slow down, think about baseball), some say that giving in to sensation can help address the issue as well. “The way to learn [to last longer] is by getting used to intense stimulation,” says Prosterman, “to increase the frequency of intercourse, and feel every sensation of being inside your partner and enjoy it.”

Come Again? The Mythical Multiple Orgasm for Men
While multiple male orgasm is possible anywhere two or more men are gathered and talking, actual male multiple orgasm is another story. Unlike the more established phenomenon of female multiple orgasm, men’s claims of successive climaxes can stray into the realm of sex myth. At the very least, male multiple orgasm is difficult to verify and may depend on the definition of orgasm.

Prosterman says that the book The Multi-Orgasmic Man popularized “an Eastern meditative process that involves wrapping the PC [pubococcygeus] muscle around the prostate. There’s a valve on the prostate that switches on and off before urination and ejaculation. The PC muscle stops this valve from opening, allowing an orgasm without ejaculation. The idea is to keep doing that five or six times in a row.

“Out of hundreds of guys I know who’ve tried this,” says Prosterman, “I know only one who’s been able to do it.”

Is this man Mr. Lucky, or just prone to poetic license?

A 1989 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior recorded the testimony of 21 other men who claimed to be multi-orgasmic, but Ira Sharlip says “that doesn’t happen,” referring to the phenomenon of “multiple orgasms in succession over a short period of time — like minutes.” And there’s no such thing as separating ejaculation and orgasm, he says.

Orgasm or Orgasm-esque?

What may be at issue here is the definition of orgasm — which, according to a 2001 Clinical Psychology Review article, has been strikingly inconsistent. “Many definitions of orgasm “depict orgasm quantitatively as a ‘peak’ state that may not differentiate orgasm adequately from a high state of sexual arousal,” the study’s authors wrote.

In other words, those men who report multiple orgasms may be able to achieve orgasm-esque states before they hit the point of ejaculatory no-return. And many men report that strengthening the PC muscles through Kegel exercises allows them to edge closer to this “point of inevitability” without cresting the mountaintop of ejaculation and descending into the gentle valley of the flaccid and the “refractory” period, where the penis is temporarily unresponsive to sexual stimulation.

This refractory period — commonly 30 minutes or more — is an unfortunate reality. While you’re “waiting,” spending that time caressing, kissing, massaging, and nuzzling isn’t so bad. If you are trying to have a second round because your partner wants it, keep sex toys in mind.

And if that recovery period isn’t super quick, you can still enjoy multiple orgasms — you may just need to cancel your afternoon appointments.

Sex Fact: It’s Not Always about the Numbers

In the end, there seems to be a recurring theme in moving beyond sex myths: Don’t get too hung up on the numbers.

So often the key to sexual satisfaction is not about penis size, stamina records, or a technical isolation of the G-spot. Rather, it’s about understanding yourself and your partner’s desires and recognizing that, unlike those Disney characters, real people aren’t born with a perfect, divinely granted understanding of sex.

As O’Connell remarks on the perils of over-privileging of the G-spot, “It is best for partners to explore the precise areas that turn someone on and how a partner likes to be given pleasure. That applies to both men and women, and the idea that there is any consistent ‘magic spot’ in either sex is just tyrannical.”

Via WebMD

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk – Sex Toys Online

www.warp9webhosting.co.uk – Web Design

Waiting For A Marriage Proposal? Advice You Need

Waiting for him to propose marriage? How to deal when you’re waiting to get engaged.

Cathy Torkelson, 34, had a good job as a legal consultant, a loving boyfriend and supportive friends and family. She was a good girlfriend in what appeared to be a solid year-and-a-half-long relationship. Yet, internally, Cathy was anxious, irritable, moody and unable to concentrate. The cause? A persistent question: why hasn’t he proposed?

Torkelson’s questioning became “all-consuming,” and eventually turned a normally independent, rational woman into a nervous wreck.

“I got in a depressive state where all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball and cry,” she explains. Her boyfriend was committed, attentive and she knew he loved her, but because he hadn’t asked her to marry him, she doubted her self-worth. “It made me feel like there had to be something wrong with me.”
Sounds crazy, right? But despite all the gender-role changes over the past decades, men asking women for their hand in marriage is a tradition that has remained strong. And for a woman who wants her man to get down on one knee, waiting for that one little question is stressful and nerve-wracking. But can waiting for a proposal actually drive you crazy?

“It creates feelings of helplessness and passivity, which we know are correlated with episodes of depression,” explains psychiatrist Dr. Renée Bibeault, a specialist in women’s mental health in Kirkland, WA. “Anything that inspires feelings of not being in control of your own life, particularly with something that has enormous impact on you such as marriage, takes an enormous toll emotionally.

Statistics show that 2.2-2.4 million women get married each year, but there are no studies counting how many are waiting to be asked to the altar. With women marrying later in life (the average age is 27 for women; 29 for men), and more couples cohabitating before marriage, it’s no wonder women are having a hard time knowing when—or if—a proposal is imminent.

How Long Should You Wait?
Torkelson thought her engagement was a sure thing. Three or four months into dating, Torkelson’s boyfriend told her she was the woman he wanted to marry. Confident in the relationship, she moved in with him after a year, expecting that he would propose within six months. But each holiday came and went without a ring. Although she believed he was the one, given her age and desire to have children, she couldn’t wait forever. How long should she wait?

The longer the better, according to a study on the correlation between courtship and marriage longevity.
The average time for a couple to date before they get engaged is just over 19 months, according to Dr. Ted Huston, a psychologist at the University of Texas in Austin (and corroborated by a poll on ProjectWedding.com). Over the course of 14 years, he studied the courtship and marriages of 168 couples and identified three patterns of dating: fast and passionate, slow and rocky, and in between. “The more boring and deliberate the courtship, the better the prospects for a long marriage,” Dr. Huston said in an article in the Los Angeles Times.

But that timeline may not work for some women eyeing the clock. Torkelson didn’t want to be almost 40 and trying to conceive. What’s worse is that her boyfriend was seven years her junior. “He didn’t see what the big rush was because he can have babies for the rest of his life.”

“Men under 32 need a lot more time to propose,” says April Beyer, CEO and Founder of the matchmaking firm Beyer & Co, which specializes in getting men ready for—and to—the altar. Earning power tends to be weaker in their 20s, Beyer points out, and men may wait to get engaged until they feel financially secure enough to be the provider for a family.

Nicolette Schumacher, 26, a successful software sales associate in San Francisco, began dating her boyfriend in 2007 and moved in with him in early 2009. She believed her guy had kept from popping the question because he was struggling to give up the single life. Though her boyfriend was 36, “it’s hard to let go of the ‘cool bachelor that lives in the city’ persona,” she said. Not wanting a timeline, he told Schumacher that he’d like to marry her and have children with the ultra-ambiguous “when we’re ready.”

Beyer warns that “if you’ve been dating more than 12 months, and you think you’ve been seeing all the right signs for six months and he hasn’t proposed, your signals might be off.” She advises women to discuss their desire to get married, but this is hardly a revelation. Both Torkelson and Schumacher had done so, as had 76 percent of ProjectWedding’s survey respondents reporting they still did not know when their man would propose. Only 3 percent of respondents had never discussed the topic.

Should You Use An Ultimatum?
So if a woman has broached the subject, but the guy isn’t making any fast moves, is it ever appropriate to give a guy a take-it-or-leave-it? “It is appropriate if the ultimatum is coming from an authentic place,” says Beyer. “Because if you’re not really ready to leave him, it’s going to come across as a threat.”

That’s how Robert (who didn’t want to be identified by his full name) felt. The 40-year-old photographer had been dating his girlfriend for two years when she sprang an ultimatum on him. “She said, ‘I’m going to have kids in the next two years whether it’s with you or not.’”

That conversation marked the beginning of the end for the otherwise-happy Bay Area couple, with Robert feeling like his girlfriend was more interested in being a mom than being with him. “I felt like she was being pushy, and I don’t take well to being told what to do.”

Beyer’s seen similar moves by other women also lead to breakups, when in reality a lot of times, the girlfriends are just looking for validation: “It’s not about the ring—it’s about wanting someone to say ‘you’re the best I have.’” In Robert’s girlfriend’s case, however, it might not have been how she asked; it might just have been her. Robert eventually admitted to me, if not to his ex, that their relationship, ultimately, “wasn’t the right fit.”

Schumacher, meanwhile, has given an ultimatum—to herself. “I’m going to live with him for a year. If, after two years of dating and one year of living together, he still doesn’t know if he wants to marry me, then I’m going to move on. It’s not something I’m threatening him with—it’s my own timeline.”

Beyer cautions women not to move too quickly or make rash decisions because he may just be taking his time to do it right. “I’ve seen girls go nuts to the point of breakup; all the while he’s shopping for a ring or saving up for a ring.”

Proposing To The Guy
The other option, of course, is that the woman can take matters into her own hands.

Larissa Eisenstein, a writer and self-described commitment-phobe, was in an on-again/off-again relationship for 10 years before she finally felt ready to settle down and make an honest man of her boyfriend. “I felt like I scared him off of it,” she said of the subject of marriage, “so I felt that I should be the one to propose the ultimate commitment.”

She discussed her unconventional plans with her friends (one of whom tried to talk her out of it), planned an elaborate proposal, and went shopping for the perfect ring—for him.
But that wasn’t an option for Torkelson, who believed her boyfriend was the type of person who would propose when he felt ready. Plus, she wasn’t even sure he would say yes. Schumacher, meanwhile, considered herself old-fashioned and wasn’t interested in the role-reversal. And of 200 respondents on the ProjectWedding.com survey on courtships, only one woman said she did the proposing herself.

Beyer advises women never to propose to men because “if you want a long-term relationship with a strong partner, you want it to be his idea, too.”

Dr. Bibeault, on the other hand, says that “there’s no reason that a woman couldn’t propose to a man unless each party felt that traditional gender roles were very important to them. But if her goal is only to feel valued and loved, you have to ask if there is another way she can achieve that without a proposal.” That option might be to wait it out.

“Talk to your friends, talk to your mother, talk to everybody but him,” advises Beyer.

Don’t Let the Waiting Game Bring You Down
Of course, anyone experiencing serious symptoms of depression while playing the waiting game should seek medical assistance. “Medications will help even if she isn’t overtly depressed,” Dr. Biebeault says, “because they can address isolated symptoms—such as having trouble sleeping—so she can be better rested and better able to cope.”

Eventually, waiting and talking worked for Torkelson, who got the commitment and validation she was looking for last August—sans medication. But it only happened after her boyfriend’s best friend intervened, making him realize that he was about to lose the woman he wanted to marry if he didn’t step up to the plate. Their upcoming wedding is scheduled for July 2010.

And Larissa Eisenstein’s boyfriend beat her to the punch by asking her to marry him on the same day she was going to propose to him. She’s grateful for one advantage the traditional method offers her: “In the end, even though I felt comfortable asking him, there is a stigma associated with asking a guy, and he took that burden off of me.”

Via: YourTango

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

Study shows men struggle to get over breakups more than women. What 5 guys think about breaking up.

While ladies may be more likely to face a tube of cookie dough and wail in their work cubicles after a breakup, new research suggests that a man’s health actually suffers more after a relationship sours. Why? Scientists speculate men aren’t as intimate with their friends as women, and therefore don’t have the support system needed when a relationship tanks.

As published in the June issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, Robin Simon, Professor of Sociology at Wake Forest University in North Carolina, analyzed the emotions of 1000 young men and women after a split and found that men are more reactive when a relationship dwindles. For example, a newly single guy may mask his discomfort watching football with a steely exterior, but beneath the surface he may quell the pain with substance abuse, she says. Meanwhile, women huddle together, cry, overanalyze, cry some more, do some more analyzing, but, at the end of the day, do a better job of dealing with the issue.

Professor Simon also speculates a crumbling relationship dents the male ego and causes men to question their self-worth. Meanwhile, the opposite is true for ladies. Simon says a woman’s self-image is damaged more by being perpetually single than in a relationship that may be less than perfect.

We talked to five choice men to find out what they think about this study and to hear how they cope after breaking up. Here’s what they had to say:

1. It’s not a surprise that dudes are more likely to drown relationship pain in booze. While I disagree with parts of the methodology, sample and suppositions of the study, that fellas are more likely to get hammered when they hurt is evident. I guess that alcohol and drugs help remove whatever emotional inhibition nature or nurture has put in front of us regarding communicating feelings. I know some very tough dudes who manage to squeeze in a good cry periodically when they’re drinking but never let their sober guard down.

- Tom Miller, Tomfoolery blogger, @tomfoolerytm

2. When my girlfriend brought up the idea of breaking up—I was devastated. I was a wreck, so I took action and did all I could—lots of pleading—to convince her that we shouldn’t part ways. Clearly, it worked—now she’s my wife.

- Kevin Osgood, YourTango video producer

3. Dealing with a breakup used to be the usual method: finding a rebound as quickly as possible, to not appear to be upset. Guy friends just don’t want to hear your tales of woe, so you’d better get over it or else they stop wanting to hang out. So, it was all about postponing the actual dealing with it indefinitely, which just makes it messier because you’ve dragged someone else [the rebound] into your jam. That’s a problem I only recognized as I got older and had been someone else’s rebound. My ever-growing base of female friends have ensured a much smoother transition back into the dating pool in recent years. They’re going to ask, you’re going to delve, you might as well get it over with and unburden yourself. Plus, as a writer, it’s easier to unleash my emotions on the world than it may be for the average male.

- Brian Fairbanks, writer/blogger, @BrianFair

4. My immediate reaction to a breakup is anger. I need to vent, generally to my younger brother, who never takes my side. It’s good to have someone tell me to shut up when I’m hurting, but then I morph into silent man mode and can keep hurt bottled up for months.

- Royal Young, freelance writer, @royalyoung

5. I’ve had three really tough breakups. My first real experience with a breakup was in fifth grade. Amy Solomon dumped me at a dance party (Aaron [best friend and co-founder of HowAboutWe.com] and I used to organize them back in the day), and I did a 10-minute wall sit (an exercise that leads to extreme pain in the thighs). All the boys thought it was hilarious and I got lots of props for not getting sappy. Then in 12th grade, the love of my life broke up with me. I remember saying, “I think I might throw up,” and I really felt that way. The last time I got broken up with, I cried some and my girlfriend said, “Oh, you really did love me!” We laughed and pretty soon I felt fine.

- Brian Schechter, co-founder of HowAboutWe, @HowAboutWe

For those of us who’ve wondered if men hurt as much as we do after a split, there we have it.

Tell us, readers, how do you cope after a breakup? And follow us on Twitter while you’re at it!

Via: YourTango

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

The male libido is always in overdrive, right? Wrong — one out of five men actually have a low sex drive.

Men. High sex drive. Panting sexual animals. We know what they want. And we know when they want it: right now.

Even doctors tend to see men as “sexual automatons,” hardwired always to want sex, says pioneering sex researcher Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at San Diego’s Alvarado Hospital and editor in chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. “But that is not the case at all,” Goldstein tells WebMD Magazine. “Many, many men — about one in five –have such low sexual desire they’d rather do almost anything else than have sex.”

One in five men doesn’t want sex? How can that be true? And why haven’t we heard about it? Actually, many women have — the ones hearing the phrase “Not tonight, dear.” Goldstein says most people think that is a rare occurrence. “But in fact, almost 30% of women say they have more interest in sex than their partner has.”

The causes of low sex drive
So what’s behind low sexual desire? Aging plays a role, though many older men have a robust interest in sex, Goldstein points out. Like most other human traits, the sex drive varies. Most men are in the normal range; some are extraordinarily driven toward addiction-like sexual behavior. At the other end of the scale are men with very low sexual interest. These are men who suffer from hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD).

“There are always men on both sides of the normal curve,” Goldstein says. “And a certain percentage — perhaps up to a quarter — will be considered to have HSDD for a whole host of reasons.” These include:

Psychological issues. Stress and anxiety from the strain of daily life, relationship or family problems, depression, and mental disorders are among the many factors that can affect sexual desire.

Medical problems. Diseases such as diabetes; conditions such as obesity, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol; and HIV drugs, some hair-loss remedies, and other medications can negatively affect sexual desire.

Hormonal causes. “Testosterone is the hormone of desire, arguably for women as well as for men,” Goldstein says. Low testosterone levels usually mean low sexual desire. Levels dip as men age; other causes include chronic disease, medications, and other drug use. Other hormones can play a role, too, such as low levels of thyroid hormone or, rarely, high levels of prolactin, a hormone produced in a gland at the base of the brain.

Low dopamine levels. Sexual desire obviously involves the brain — and the brain’s chemical messaging system is intimately linked to sexual desire. One of those messengers is dopamine. Doctors have noted that Parkinson’s disease patients treated with dopamine-stimulating drugs had increased sexual desire. Goldstein says these drugs help some men with HSDD.

Each cause of low sexual desire has its own treatment. When the root cause is psychological, sex therapy can offer men specific techniques and strategies for regaining their enjoyment of sex. “It is not psychotherapy; it is psychology counseling focused on sexual issues,” Goldstein explains.

In cases where the problem is low testosterone, men can take testosterone supplements if they have measurably low levels. About 25% of men go for weekly testosterone shots, Goldstein says, but most opt for skin patches or gel formulations applied directly to the skin of the chest, shoulders, or abdomen.

When Goldstein suspects low dopamine levels are at the heart of a man’s low sexual desire, he might prescribe dopamine-increasing drugs, though this treatment is not currently approved by the FDA and has risks.

However, a new drug now in clinical trials — for women — does increase dopamine levels while decreasing a specific kind of serotonin in the brain. Early clinical studies suggest the drug could help women with low sexual desire. Goldstein thinks this new treatment has promise. And if it’s approved for women, he says, it will likely be tested in men.

In the end, the choice for men who’ve lost their desire for sex is not between being a panting sexual animal and being a eunuch. Instead, the real choice is whether these men are ready to regain a vital source of intimacy with their partners — and a key part of a healthy life for themselves.

Via: WebMD

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

Myth No. 1

Women want to talk

It’s a known fact that women like to talk — a lot. In fact, research even points to how a woman uses 20,000 words a day compared to a man’s 7,000. Although you might think such info means women want to wrestle you into hour-long conversations, the truth is they just want you to listen to them talk. See, it’s much more important to her that you hear her out instead of warble back uninterested remarks.
So, instead of whining about how you don’t feel like chatting about your day, all you have to do is open your ears and hand her the invisible mic.

Myth No. 2

Women want macho men

When you and your woman are at a club and some random guy hits on her, you might think that she wants you to stand up to the plate and rustle the offender up a bit until you and the guy get Tasered by security. However, that just makes you look possessive and crazy, which makes her feel embarrassed. Yes, women want manly men who know their way under the hood of a car and can manage a household budget, but they aren’t impressed by a flashy show of macho behavior — so leave the bar brawls to Brody Jenner, please.

Myth No. 3

Women want to hear about your feelings

Many women have said they want men who will open up about their feelings. So we welcomed the metrosexual trend, which was not only about men packing on the moisturizer but also about lowering the fortress on their sensitive sides. That’s fine and well, but don’t open your emotional floodgates just for the sake of it or if it’s not your style. When women whine about wanting a man who expresses his feelings, they’re really saying that they want a man who’ll talk about his thoughts and opinions. That makes her feel more included in your world and helps her get to know you. It doesn’t mean she expects any badly written poetry or crying sessions either.

Via: AskMen

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

Are you normal ‘down there’?

Whether it’s painful periods or zero interest in sex, there’s a lot going on “down there” that we don’t feel comfortable chatting about. The scarier and more embarrassing our concerns, the more probable the need that we should consult our doctors! SheKnows took some of your most pressing questions to the experts — and some of their answers may surprise you!

Q:
I have been experiencing a very embarrassing vaginal odor and itch for quite some time now. It seems like I have tried everything from washing repeatedly with soap to douching and just can’t seem to make it go away. Please help!

A:
Many women experience this problem; you are not alone, reassures Dr. Machelle M. Seibel, Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Massachusetts. It could be that your vaginal pH is off. The healthy vagina maintains a pH of approximately 4.5. The body accomplishes this through a delicate ecosystem that is extremely effective in reducing odor, itch, discomfort and sometimes even infection. Many factors, like frequent sex, menstruation, contraceptives even douching can increase vaginal pH. Try RepHresh Vaginal Gel. It is the only over-the-counter product clinically proven to maintain a healthy vaginal pH for 3 days per application and works to eliminate feminine odor and relieve feminine discomfort.

Q:
Is it normal to have never had an orgasm?

A:
A woman confessed to me that she was afraid to ask her doctor a question that she had been hiding from her husband for years, shares Dr. Tammy Nelson, a psychotherapist and author. She pretended with her girlfriends, that she could relate when they talked about their sex lives. But inside, she couldn’t understand what all the fuss was – about orgasms! She “wasn’t sure,” but she “didn’t think she’d ever had one.” I assured her that if she didn’t think she’d had one, then she probably hadn’t. And that it made sense that she was afraid to ask her gyno about orgasms. She said, “How do you ask your doc if you’ve ever had an orgasm before? I’m a grown woman. I’m 34. Surely everyone has had one by this time. There must be something wrong with me.”

Actually, a large percentage of women have never had an orgasm. And studies show that almost 80 percent of women fake orgasms. This actually prevents any discussion between partners about how to make an orgasm happen. On average it takes anywhere from 7 to 20 minutes for a woman to have an orgasm of direct clitoral stimulation. If a woman has never had an orgasm, she might not know this, and her partner might not either. And, if she’s afraid to talk to her doctor about her concerns, it makes it difficult to determine whether the lack of orgasm is due to a lack of education and information or if something physical is preventing a woman from experiencing full genital stimulation.

Q:
Are my labia normal-sized?

A:
These questions fall under the “Am I normal?” category which many women are afraid to ask their doctor, relates Dr. Nelson. The answer to these questions is usually yes, you are normal. Most women have normal vulvas, and normal labia, and normal vaginas. Although there can be sexually transmitted disease and trauma to the genitals that may make the labia and vulva somewhat misshapen, it is highly unusual, and women should know that the average vagina and vulva is not symmetrical.

Q:
I have frequent yeast infections and I don’t know why. I know there are medications to get rid of them but is there anything on the market to prevent them before they even start?

A:
Yes! RepHresh Pro-B is clinically shown to provide healthy probiotic lactobacillus that works with your body to balance yeast and bacteria, says Dr. Seibel. With one capsule taken daily, you can take control and help maintain vaginal flora in a normal range.

Q:
My partner wants me to have an orgasm every time, and I just don’t want to, so I fake it. I hear that’s bad to do. What should I do?

A:
Faking orgasms is a bone of controversy, says Katherine Forsythe, MSW, a sex education specialist. Some experts say never do it. I say go ahead, as long as you allow yourself real orgasms with your partner on a regular basis, and the decision to pretend is based on your needs, not fulfilling a requirement from your partner. The argument against faking it suggests that you are trying too hard to please, and you are not being pleasured at your pace on your time frame. This, in turn, can become a pressure-filled habit and makes you wonder if you have lost the ability to orgasm. Then, a vicious circle ensues: you pretend, you doubt yourself; you doubt yourself and you can’t come. My feeling on the whole thing is this: if you make the conscious choice not to reach orgasm (too tired, distracted, low arousal, etc), and you enjoy the drama of writhing around and pretending, and it pleases you as well as your partner, go ahead. I have clients who tell me that sometimes the drama of faking it is so much fun that they can’t remember if they really “came” or not. If you can masturbate to orgasm, you’ve still got it. Or, if you can orgasm from time to time with your partner, you still have it. As we age, orgasm takes longer for some people. The best bet is to be honest with your partner, if pretending is detracting from your enjoyment. Explain that you may not orgasm all the time, and you are happy with that. The pleasuring is the point, and pleasuring can happen without orgasm.

Q:
Is spotting normal if I am sexually active?

A:
Spotting is not a normal consequence of sexual activity, and whether or not you are sexually active, let your gynecologist or other female-health clinician know, says Lauri J. Romanzi, MD, PC FACOG, a Clinical Associate Professor of Gynecology at Weill Cornell Medical Center. Spotting may be due to ovulation, birth control side effects, slight hormonal irregularities, peri-menopause, infection, polyps, fibroids, cancer, or other uterine, cervical, hormonal or ovarian conditions. The majority of the time it is nothing to worry about, but since you can’t figure it out on your own, a visit to or phone conversation with your doctor is always the smart thing to do.

Q:
What are things that I can do to relieve UTI symptoms and prevent them from occurring in the first place?

A:
If you are experiencing symptoms associated with a urinary tract infection (UTI) such as frequent urination, urgency or lower abdominal pain, you can relieve symptoms with an over- the-counter remedy like AZO STANDARD Maximum Strength, says Dr. Romanzi. It can offer relief in approximately 20 minutes. You can then use an AZO Test Strips to confirm if you have a UTI. This allows you to inform your doctor over the phone and potentially get an antibiotic faster to treat the infection.

For prevention, drink adequate amounts of water, always wipe from front to back, and use a dietary supplement that contains PACran, such as AZO Cranberry. This blocks the attachment of harmful bacteria to the bladder wall. Some women suffer recurrent bladder infections after menopause, and may benefit from low-dose vaginal estrogen therapy in the form of suppository, cream or vaginal ring. If bladder infections continue to recur despite these efforts, discuss antibiotic prophylaxis with your doctor. Antibiotic prophylaxis involves single dose antibiotic take at or after a typical precipitating activity, most commonly sex, in order to prevent infection from developing, so that you can avoid the cycle of recurrent infections.

Q:
Can my doctor tell if I’ve had an abortion, an STD or a miscarriage?

A:
No, says Dr. Romanzi. Not unless you have excessive scarring as a result. Since these things can affect your mental and physical health, it’s important to let your doctor know about all your past medical problems and procedures. If you come in with an infertility problem or pelvic pain — either of which can be related to miscarriage, an STD or complications from an abortion, your doctor will be better able to diagnose and treat you if she knows about your health history.

Q:
Does bacterial vaginosis have to be sexually transmitted?

A:
There’s a broad spectrum of bacterial infections that women can get, and they’re extremely common, and doctors are taught in med school that it’s always sexually transmitted (30 percent of prostitutes have vaginosis, by the way). So it’s scary and embarrassing when you get one. “My doctor admitted that she’s heard a couple of patients (myself included) who convinced her that there may be some exceptions to the “somebody’s cheating” explanation for infections, says reader Dana, a marketing executive.

Q:
Is it normal to have a lot of pain during my period?

A:
“Painful periods, nausea and ‘killer cramps’ for days are not all part of ‘being a woman.’ Says Tamer Seckin, MD. An estimated 10 million United States women and adolescent girls, do not experience relief from a couple of ibuprofen and a day or two to feel normal again. In addition to ‘killer cramps,’ these women may experience painful intercourse, irregular bleeding, increased gas and bloating and infertility.

When all other causes are excluded, 90 percent of the time, it’s probably endometriosis. Unfortunately, endometriosis is the most prevalent; most misdiagnosed, mismanaged, and mishandled disease–and one of the top three causes of female infertility. Thousands of women end up with unnecessary hysterectomies. Women and girls often try to ‘manage’ the pain of endometriosis for years with painkillers and other medications, but these only mask symptoms of the disease. Yet every stage of endometriosis is treatable and, with the correct surgical techniques, even curable.

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5 Ways to Make a Connection
Being able to quickly establish a deep bond with a woman is an ability that most guys lack. Often guys speak in a logical manner, not listening to the woman and turning every conversation back to their one and only talking point: themselves! This makes it hard to make proper connections and the woman does not feel as though she has had a great conversation.

Here is what you need to do to overcome this:

1. Relate things to them, not just to you or your life:
When somebody tells you that they have just had an interesting experience, like going to Thailand for example, it is a common mistake to instantly relate it back to yourself with your personal experiences of Thailand. Instead, try to imagine their experience, bringing out their memories and showing an interest in their unforgettable holiday. Don’t immediately make yourself the subject of the conversation, first connect for a while allowing the woman to elaborate on her experience and then it is fine to relate it to yourself.

2. Use what they give you:
When someone is talking to you they usually give you information about themselves: their feelings and their lives. These are perfect opportunities for foundations of connections. Often people ignore these and talk about themselves; instead, grasp every opportunity and connect on each point before moving on to the next.

3. Be Observant:
Women have usually put a lot of effort into their appearance and often, to their dismay, this goes unnoticed. By picking up on something interesting in the way they’re dressed or a particular aspect of their outfit (their bag might match their shoes, belt, earrings and dress), they will be impressed with how observant you are and be glad that their effort hasn’t been overlooked. You can pick up on general aspects of their appearance or comment on jewelery and accessories which often have meaning or a story behind them.

4. Be empathetic:
When someone has an interest, passion or particularly strong opinion on a subject, there are three main ways of connecting to it. The first is to simply say “me too” that shows you have common interests, the second is to disagree (but be sure to back up your views). The third and most effective response is to show that you can understand her passion, interest or view – even if you don’t share it. For example, if someone likes cooking you can show that you understand why she might enjoy it without actually sharing her passion.

5. Talk about things that evoke feeling:
Find something that they are passionate about – it could be anything from friends and family, to travel or even ballet. Connect with them on these subjects by showing that you understand why they have that particular passion. Don’t simply gloss over them by saying “me too” and instantly changing the subject. Try to keep the conversation going and lead on to ask about her other interests.

Use these steps during conversation and you will quickly form a connection within hours, as opposed to weeks.

This editorial was written for sexinfo101.com by Pick-Up Artist Training (www.puatraining.com ). For more information on becoming a master seducer, make sure to check them out!

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The 10 Secrets of Great Sex
Adrenaline, intense attraction, or the things they know how to do in bed; what is it about a sexual encounter that makes it so great? A group of researchers set out to answer this question and have recently released their findings in an innovative study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality (CJHS) entitled “The Components of Optimal Sexuality: A Portrait of ‘Great Sex”. They focused their attention on identifying specific characteristics that comprise ‘great sex’. The investigation was conducted in the hopes of debunking sexual myths, and to offer an broader view based on a spectrum of sexuality. The outcome of such work offers a new way for people to view “human erotic potential and expand our understanding of what sex can be”.

An Introduction to the Study
The data was accumulated from the answers collected in detailed interviews, which lasted anywhere between forty five minutes to two hours. The focal point of the questions was to learn more about optimal sexuality by learning about respondents’ best sexual experiences, then tabulating their responses to come up with the most common factors. The study based their findings on a total of sixty four participants, encompassing a diverse sampling of population. Those interviewed were men and women, diverse in age range, ethnic origin and sexual orientation; some also identified themselves as polyamorous, practitioners of S&M, as well as Sex Therapists. Participants’ ages ranged from twenty three to eight two years of age.

What Comprises Optimal Sex?
Sex is subjective. Many of the participants of the study put it this way, “no one can simply define ‘great sex’ for others”. Yet their responses revealed a great deal of commonality, despite differences in lifestyles, ages and Sexual Orientation. Ultimately, the study illustrated that “there may be many routes to experience great sex, but the actual experience can be very similar across varying individuals”.

Ten key components of phenomenal sexual experiences were identified during the course of research. Eight were deemed significant because they came up most often and were greatly emphasized by almost all respondents. The last two were characterized as insufficient in themselves to be necessary aspects of great sex, but were still considered by researchers as worthy of mention in the study.

1. Being present, focused and embodied
The state of feeling “totally absorbed in the moment”, of being completely in tune with the sensations being experienced during great sex, was stated by interviewees most often and ahead of any other characteristic of an ideal sexual experience.

Another distinguishing aspect was the ability of respondents and their sexual partners to completely let themselves go during sex. They were unimpeded by distractions such as the mental ‘running commentary’ that many people have trouble shutting off.

2. Connection, alignment, merger, being in synch
Many of the respondents believed that a deep connection between two people, irrespective of the length of the relationship (hours to years), was a key component of optimal sexual union. Some described it as feeling synchronistic during intimate contact and a sense of merger, a “loss of personal boundaries, a distinct loss of … self-awareness in the sense of separateness from the other”. Others characterized it as a powerful energy and a sense of connectivity that kindles between two individuals.

Interestingly, with all this talk of merger and fusion, those who responded most passionately regarding this aspect of sex noted that the more grounded they were in themselves (with a strong sense of self), the more capable they were to let go with another. Additionally, they emphasized the need to set clear boundaries, accept themselves for who they are, and feel respected by their partner.

3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
The essence of this category is to imagine the undercurrent of intimacy two people develop long before they actually have Sex . The panel asserted a powerful connection between erotic intimacy and a sense of safety/security in a relationship. This affinity can be derived by a “deep mutual respect, caring, genuine acceptance and admiration”. As it relates to this category of intimacy, practically every one who participated in this study expressed the importance of a profound sense of trust between lovers.

4. Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy
The emphasis on communication doesn’t stress individuals being technically skilled communicators as much as it underscores people’s capacity to truly and freely share themselves. Participants articulated the importance of listening well and paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. They also reiterated the ability “to recognize (in a sexual capacity), even without being told told, what and when a particular kind of touch elicits a certain response in your partner and another does not.” Non-verbal communication was seen as a vital component of transcendent sex. In order to successfully embody this element of sexuality interviewees stressed the responsibility of individuals to be emotionally mature enough to recognize their own needs and desires, in order to be able to convey them to their partners.

5. Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency
One woman summed up these qualities as “sex where you can say anything and be anything”. Authenticity in a sexual relationship involves individuals being entirely self-expressive, uninhibited and unself-conscious. With the results of this study continually building upon the importance of ‘letting go’ in relationships, the participants’ data proved another important corollary; being so completely genuine with another human being has an incredibly powerful effect emotionally and sexually. ‘Baring it all’ was considered by many to be liberating and an important component of amazing sex. It also gave permission to their partners to be free to do the same.

Respondents attributed much of their success in coming to such a state of confidence and genuineness, to letting go of restrictive sexual myths and unrealistic expectations as it relates to eroticism.

6. Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing
The feelings of “bliss, peace, awe, ecstasy and soulfulness” were the signature characteristics of extraordinary sex. Some likened the experience to the transcendent feeling reached during meditation (such as found in Tantric Sex), while it reminded others of timelessness and expansiveness. Being able to trust your sexual partner enough to let yourself experience such intensity was seen as the fundamental basis of these factors.

7. Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun
Participants of this study explained that great sex was a vehicle for them to discover themselves. By taking risks and pushing their own sexual boundaries, respondents felt a sense of adventure and personal growth, which in turn fuels further development and discovery. Many of them also agreed on the following, “What’s sex without a little fun and laughter?”

8. Vulnerability and surrender
The ability to give oneself over to their partner was a distinguishing factor between regular and amazing sex. Being willing to let go and feel vulnerable were among the characteristics that allowed individuals to achieve this state of interpersonal sexual abandon. There is a way to tell whether you’re truly surrendering to sex with your lover; as one interviewee put it, in unexceptional relationships, “There’s always some maybe small but detectable barriers, some things held back. In great sex, I think those (for me) disappear”.

9. Intense physical sensation and orgasm
There were a range of opinions presented as to the role Orgasms play in great sex. Both men and women agreed that an orgasm was not necessary for a sexual experience to be considered exceptional. However, they noted that orgasms seemed to come naturally anyway when they were having ‘great sex’. Some respondents also underscored the satisfaction they derived from a slow build up to pleasure.

10. Lust, desire, chemistry, attraction
A striking conclusion drawn from the results of these interviews was the role that lust and desire played in amazing sex. They made it onto the ‘Top Ten’ list not because they were valuable in and of themselves, but rather because of their impact when they’re mutually experienced. Whether individuals were drawn to one another through lust or attraction, their compelling chemistry influenced their perception of sex positively.

Breaking Sexual Ground
The study found that there was a lack of valid research regarding the nature of great sex, citing that experts in the field of Sexual Health actually have “minimal data on the farther reaches of human sexual potential”. It also pointed out that other studies have a tendency to not take into account the broader spectrum of sexual function; they either take a more black and white approach, or focus too attention on treating dysfunction.

Final Thoughts
One of the most significant outcomes of this study was that the actual ‘acts’ performed during sex were deemed inconsequential when compared to the “mindset and intent of the person or couple engaged in these acts”. These findings draw powerful conclusions about sex and healthy functioning, namely that individuals need not look outside of themselves to achieve great sex. Too great a focus on the physical mechanisms of sex will not be as fulfilling overall as the emotional, spiritual and psychological benefits of being present, embodied and vulnerable during sex. Additionally, the study encourages “comfort with self, personal and interpersonal exploration, revelation and acceptance”. If an individual can achieve this level of growth, they are more apt to take risks both sexually and psychically, and can discover erotic attributes that they did not even know they possessed!

Via: sexinfo101

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strong>Why do people always talk about condoms?

Because if you want to have sex with someone, they’re important! Sex can be great, but there are risks involved. Aside from all the emotional issues, you can catch infections, and a woman can become pregnant. If you don’t want to end up in a STD clinic or with a baby, using a condom is a good idea. It won’t be much fun either when you have to tell your partner or parent that you have a sexually transmitted disease or are pregnant.

It’s okay – my boy/girlfriend will sort it out. . .

Some people think it’s the man’s job to make sure he uses a condom, some people think contraception is up to the woman. They’re both wrong – it takes two to have sex, so both partners should make an effort. If you’re not responsible enough to sort out contraception, you’re not responsible enough to be having sex. If you’re sleeping with someone, you should have enough respect for them to protect them.

What about when we haven’t got a condom?

Then if you want to be safe, you’ll have to get one. Some types of contraception (such as the pill) are more effective than condoms for avoiding pregnancy, but won’t reduce your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.

And if you’re single, it doesn’t hurt to carry condoms with you – just in case!

Doesn’t that make me look ‘easy’?
No – it makes you look like you’re mature enough to look after yourself.

Oh, and it’s okay to put a condom in your pocket or your wallet if you’re going out for the night, but don’t keep them in there for long – they’ll go squidgy! Condoms need to be stored in a cool, dry place. They also have a sell-by date on the packet – don’t use condoms that are too old.

You can’t catch anything or get pregnant on your first time though, can you?
Actually, you can. It’s scary enough having sex for the first time without having to worry about using condoms, too. But you do need to – if you’re nervous about using condoms or if you don’t want to seem inexperienced, practise with them in advance. A boy could try to put a condom on when he masturbates, to get used to what it feels like, and what to do with it when he finishes.

Okay. . . so where can I get some?
Buying condoms can seem frightening or embarrassing, especially for a young person, but it isn’t really. You can get them in most pharmacies or drugstores and a lot of supermarkets sell them. In some countries such as the UK and parts of the USA young people are entitled to free contraceptive advice and contraceptives from their doctor. But you don’t need a prescription to get them, and often health clinics, family planning centres, and even schools have supplies of free condoms for teenagers. In most places, you can buy condoms whatever your age.

If you’re still too embarrassed to go and buy them, you can sometimes get them from vending machines (often in public toilets) or over the internet.

But there’s so many different kinds! Which ones are best?
There are a lot of different kinds of condoms, but don’t worry. Here are the different types you can get:

Material – Most condoms are made from latex or polyurethane. The latex ones are a little stronger, so they give slightly better protection from STDs and pregnancy. A very small amount of people are allergic to latex, though, so they use polyurethane ones.
Size – Condoms come in lots of different sizes. You can get longer or shorter or wider or narrower ones. If a packet of condoms says ‘large’ or ’small’, this is usually talking about the width of the condom, not the length. Be honest! A condom that is too big may come off, and a condom that’s too small might break. Most condoms that you buy in shops and vending machines will be a standard size.
Lubricated – Some condoms are not lubricated at all, some have silicone-based lubricants, some have water-based lubricants. Some condoms are lubricated with a spermicide (see below).
Spermicidal – Some condoms have a spermicidal lubricant, which can help to reduce the likelihood of pregnancy. One of the most common spermicides is something called nonoxynol-9. This is a chemical that some people are sensitive to, and if it’s used regularly it can can cause irritation and increase the chance of HIV infection. Condoms lubricated with Nonoxynol 9 should not be used for anal sex.
Ribbed – These condoms have little ridges running around them. These can make sex more pleasurable for both partners, and if they’re used correctly (see below) then they’re just as safe as ordinary ones. Ribbed condoms are the answer for people who complain “But I can’t feel anything if I put on a condom. . . ”
Coloured – The natural colour of latex is a creamy white, so lots of condoms have different colours – some of them even glow in the dark. Again, if they’re used properly, they’re fine.
Flavoured – Some sexually transmitted infections can be passed on orally, so it’s a good idea to put on a condom for oral sex. Sometimes, people don’t like the smell and taste of latex, so they use flavoured condoms. These can taste of anything from strawberry to curry! Flavoured condoms shouldn’t be used for vaginal or anal sex, though, unless they have the kite mark sign in the UK and Europe, or are FDA approved in the USA.
Resevoir tipped – Most condoms have a reservoir tip to catch semen, some have a plain tip. If they have a reservoir tip, be sure to pinch the end when putting them on – if they have air inside them, they can break when you’re having sex.

I’m still not sure…
If you’re unsure about what to do it can help to talk things through with an adult, but sometimes this is not possible. Teens sometimes find it embarrassing talking to their parents about sex – you could try asking a teacher or a guidance councillor for advice and information, if you’re more comfortable with that. The internet can also be a really good place to look for information and advice.

So how effective are condoms?
There’s lots of myths about how effective condoms are. If they’re used correctly, condoms are about 94% – 97% (depending on which study you look at) effective at preventing pregnancy and they’re nearly 100% effective at preventing transmission of HIV. Some people say that certain viruses can ‘pass through’ latex – that’s not true.

They won’t help against crabs, though, and some sexually transmitted infections (like herpes) can be caught through oral sex with someone who is infected, so you need to use condoms for this, too.

Is it even safer wearing two condoms?
No! The friction of the condoms rubbing together would probably make them both break, and it wouldn’t be very comfortable for the person wearing them. You also shouldn’t use the male and female condoms together.

What is the female condom?
There is also a female condom, which is a type of pouch which fits inside the vagina.

How do I mention condoms without spoiling the moment?
“Everything’s going great, the atmosphere’s really romantic, and then you have to get a condom out. . . .”

“Putting a condom on can be quite sexy. ”

One of the main reasons that teens say they don’t like using condoms is that they think condoms interrupt a passionate moment – and it’s true that it can be difficult to find, open and unroll a condom in the dark when you’ve both got your minds on other things.

But it doesn’t have to be difficult and it doesn’t have to ’spoil the moment’.

The best way to make sure you can put a condom easily is to practise in advance . . . girls can practise on appropriately shaped vegetables. Then, when the time arrives to do it for real, you’ll know what you’re doing. Putting a condom on can be quite sexy. It doesn’t have to be done by the person who is going to wear the condom – it can be quite an intimate thing for his partner to do.

Keep your condoms and some lube close by, then you won’t have to get up, put the lights on, go into the bathroom and hunt around in the back of the cupboard!

What is ‘lube’?
Lubricant or ‘lube’ is like a cream or jelly which is sometimes used to make sex go a little more smoothly. Quite often being tense or rushing things can make sex difficult or painful, so try to relax and take your time. You might also want to use extra lubrication. There are many different brands of lube, for example KY Jelly, ID Glide, Astroglide or Liquid Silk, which you can buy from supermarkets or drugstores. There are also different types, for example some lubes are designed specifically for anal sex. If you are using a condom then you must use a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly, and not an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline. Make sure the lubricant only goes on the outside of the condom – if any gets on the inside, the condom can slip off during sex.

Any tips for putting condoms on?
Firstly, you should put the condom on before there’s any contact between the penis and your partner’s body. Fluids released from the penis even very early on in sex can cause pregnancy or transmit an STI.

So, when the penis is erect, open the condom wrapper. Don’t do it with your teeth! This can cause tiny rips in the condom which you might not notice. Unroll the condom a little over the top of the penis – make sure that the roll is on the outside – if it’s backwards then the condom won’t unroll. If there’s any air trapped in the condom, this can cause it to break, so make sure you pinch the end to squeeze any air out. Then just firmly roll the condom down as far as you can. If you want to use any lube, put it on the outside of the condom and make sure it’s water-based lubricant. Oil based lubricants can weaken the condom and make it break.

What if it breaks?
If a condom breaks while you’re having sex, then stop right away and put a new condom on. While you’re having sex you can sometimes feel if a condom has broken, but not always, so you should check occasionally that it’s okay. If you think some semen has escaped from the condom you might want to think about talking to your doctor about getting emergency contraception and an HIV/STD test.

Do I need to put on a condom for oral sex?
Yes. Some sexually transmitted diseases and infections (such as herpes) can be passed on by oral sex. When you use a condom for oral sex, you should change condoms before having vaginal or anal sex, because teeth may have made little holes in it.

What about anal sex?
Again, yes. Anal sex carries a high risk of STI transmission, because the lining of the anus is very delicate and easily damaged. Anal sex won’t necessarily stop a woman getting pregnant either, as semen can escape from the anus and enter the vagina after sex. Anal sex can put more strain on a condom, so you can buy stronger ones if you wish, although standard ones should be just as effective if used correctly with plenty of lubricant. As mentioned above, it’s better if the lubricant doesn’t contain Nonoxynol 9, as this can increase the risk of HIV transmission by irritating the lining of the anus.

Okay, when do we stop?
After he has ejaculated, a man using a condom needs to stop and take the condom off. If you carry on having sex, it can burst. If you want to carry on, that’s fine, just put a new condom on again, and away you go. Never re-use a condom.

When the man pulls his penis out, he should hold the base of the condom to make sure that comes out, too. And when taking a condom off, don’t just pull on the end. Roll it back from the base and throw it away safely – you might want to tie a knot in the end to stop it leaking. Don’t flush used condoms down the toilet, and don’t leave it under the bed for your mum to find!

Via: http://www.avert.org/
AVERT is an international HIV and AIDS charity, based in the UK, working to avert HIV and AIDS worldwide, through education, treatment and care.

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From frisky foreplay moves to the trick to having a mind-blowing orgasm, we got our trusted sexperts to spill their favorite secrets. Ready to have the best sex of your life? Read on.

Play Up His Deep Pockets
When he’s least expecting it, tell your man you need some change. Then stick your hand in his pocket and touch his penis through the fabric, pretending that you’re really digging around for that coinage you need. When he’s good and hard, whisper something in his ear like, “Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?” He’ll practically bust out of his pants. —Susan Block, PhD, sex therapist and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure

Pop His Cork
Try the oral-sex technique “The Screw.” As you’re moving up his shaft with your mouth, turn your head a bit from side to side, letting your tongue follow a corkscrew pattern. When you get to the frenulum — that part of the shaft just beneath the head — be sure to lick it for a few seconds before moving all the way up to the top. Then repeat, moving down his shaft. What will drive him wild about this is that you aren’t just going up and down — you’re also going sideways. It’s 3-D! —Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On

Get Dirty in the Tub
Before you get it on, take a bath together. Bring out the candles and fluffy towels, then put two drops of patchouli oil, three drops of sandalwood oil, and three drops of lavender oil into your bathwater. Patchouli and sandalwood are awakens sensuality, and lavender induces relaxation. The combination of scents and warm-water sensations will completely prime your bodies — and minds. For a truly sensual and erotic experience try this water-friendly sex position. —Nitya Lacroix, author of The Art of Tantric Sex

Strut Your Stuff
The next time you go out with your man, wear your sexiest outfit. Sometimes you have to remind your guy that you’re a prize, not an appendage. It really turns most guys on to know they have someone other men want to be with. And it can be a tremendous ego boost for you, too. When you feel sexy, you are sexy. Once you return home from your diva-date, you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. —Susan Block, PhD, sex therapist and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure

Touch Yourself… With His Penis
Shake up your pre-sex routine by pressing his penis against surprising parts of your body. Try these frisky ideas. Hold his penis against your inner thigh to tease him like crazy; touch the tip of his penis against your breast, and rub his frenulum against your nipple; or bring the side of his shaft against the outside of one of your cheeks, then put it up to your lips and cover it with wet kisses. —Ian Kerner, PhD, author of He Comes Next

Unhand Your Man
Give your man a massage without using your hands. Before you begin, slowly undress your partner, but make sure that he stays warm. Then, keeping your hands at your side or behind your back, stroke his body (all except for his penis) with your face, hair, and breasts. Once he’s totally relaxed, rub your breasts against his penis and he’ll happily rise to the occasion. —Nitya Lacroix, author of The Art of Tantric Sex

Try Finger-Food Foreplay
Have a romantic dinner without utensils so you can feed each other. There’s something sensual about placing food in your partner’s mouth. After a meal like this, serve yourself for dessert. —Ellen Kreidman, author of The 10 Second Kiss

Love Your Booty
Look at yourself naked in a full-length mirror for five minutes a day and focus on what you love about your body. If this feels awkward, get ready or blow out your hair while standing naked in front of the mirror. By getting used to your unique shape, you’ll gain confidence that will naturally spill over into your sex life and make you twice as enticing to your guy. —Barbara Keesling, author of Discover Your Sensual Potential

Slip into a Naughty Costume
Try one of these outfits since they’ll help you get in the moment. If you’re feeling like a flirty, girlie tease, put on a white cotton undie set or sexy lingerie and pull your hair into a ponytail, or don a schoolgirl-like plaid miniskirt with an oxford shirt tied above your navel. To become an X-rated seductress, wear something red or black in sheer fabric or lace, then add crimson lipstick and nails. Outfits not only help you get in the moment, they also give him a visual turn-on and inspiration. —Jamye Waxman, author of Getting Off

Pleasure His Penis
Cup your hand around his member, creating a “bun” around his “hot dog.” Then kiss the part of his penis that’s exposed while breathing hard. Your hand will trap your exhalations and make his penis feel superhot. With your other hand, work his testicles. He’ll think he has died and gone to heaven. —Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On

Keep Your Pants On
Encourage your man to touch you when you have your favorite tight jeans on (and don’t let him take them off). His hand can glide over your crotch more easily, and the material will transmit the sensations over a wider area. —Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On

Toy with Him
Stock up on sex toys like velvet-lined handcuffs and silk blindfolds. You can never go wrong with a vibrator. Ask him to buzz it against your clitoris or tell him simply to sit back and watch you handle it. It will feel amazing for you, and he’ll be turned on just by seeing you so turned on. —Susan Block, PhD, sex therapist and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure

Pucker Up
Share a passionate 10-second kiss every single day. A lot of couples keep having sex but stop really kissing. And that’s a shame, because it’s such a wonderful, intimate act. So just go up and lay one on him. Instantly, you’ll feel passionate instead of platonic. What a rush! —Ellen Kreidman, author of The 10 Second Kiss

Touch a (Sensual) Nerve
One of the most explosive nerves in the body is located at the top of the inner thigh. Start by licking your finger (the wetness increases the stimulation) and slowly drawing it from the mid–inner thigh to the top. Then follow the path you just traced with your tongue, teasing your way to the upper region. Because the skin here is tender, it’s important to watch how he reacts. If he flinches, you’re exciting the nerve to the point where it feels too ticklish. If he flinches, give the area firmer kisses. —Lori Buckley, PhD, of The Better Sex Video Series

Have Hotel Sex at Home
Try re-creating the away-from-home atmosphere in your own bedroom. Buy sheets with the highest threads-per-inch count you can find (look for 200 and above), and invest in some thick, fluffy robes to lounge around in. You’ll both feel like you’re on an incredible vacation from the rest of the world.

—Ellen Kreidman, author of The 10 Second Kiss

Make It a Quickie
If you’re turned on at an inopportune time and in semi-public place, act on your feelings. Although it feels a little bit naughty, a quickie will help you stay faithful. People often have affairs solely for the illicit rush from doing something “bad.” Quickies allow you to experience all of the having-an-affair thrill with none of the cheating. —Ellen Kreidman, author of The 10 Second Kiss

Keep Your Eyes Open
Watching his every move while you’re hooking up is a great way to explore more of the emotional side of intercourse. Start by kissing with your eyes open and looking at each other during foreplay. Gradually build up until you can sustain eye contact throughout both of your climaxes. You’ll experience your orgasm in a totally different way. —Barbara Keesling, author of Discover Your Sensual Potential

Tune in to His Heartbeat
You might be surprised how easily you can become synchronized. Lay your hand on his chest, and have him do the same. Since heart rate speeds up during orgasm, if you stay hand-to-heart connected while you do it, you’ll feel how wild you’re driving each other. —Barbara Keesling, author of Discover Your Sensual Potential

Give Him Props
—Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On

Let Go Loudly!
Moan, let out animalistic noises or shout his name — whatever you have the urge to do. If you’re embarrassed, just know that you’re doing your partner a favor. The more you express your pleasure, the more you make him feel like the stud of the universe. Bonus: Your orgasms will be even more powerful if you really let ‘er rip vocally. —Susan Block, PhD, sex therapist and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure

Just Add Lube
Your guy has what it takes to get you off, but there’s one more thing that can seriously up your odds of climaxing. With a little extra lube, every touch and thrust will feel smoother and more pleasurable. And because you’re wetter, he’ll feel more confident, which will inspire him to try new moves and positions. —Eric Garrison, author of Mastering Multiple-Position Sex

Turn-Around… and Turn Him On
Face his legs instead of his face when you’re on top. (Hold on to his feet for balance.) He’ll get a great view of your backside — a surefire turn-on. And if his erection points straight out instead of up, this position will feel especially incredible to him. —Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On

Be the Boss in Bed
Tell your guy to lie down, then use handcuffs, scarves, or a necktie to tether his hands together so he can’t touch you. Next, you want to torture him playfully with your teasing. Slowly kiss your way down his torso, and just as you get to his pelvis, move back up to his ears and neck. As you tantalize him and he strains to touch you, ask him to tell you why he wants you so bad. Once he’s pleaded his case allow him to take over. —Candida Royalle, author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do

Don’t Wait to Exhale
You can actually use your breath to control your orgasm. With each exhalation, imagine that you’re pushing the satisfying sensations throughout your body — instead of just letting them build up below the waist. When you finally let go, you’ll feel the orgasm from head to toe. —Nitya Lacroix, author of The Art of Tantric Sex

Maximize Each Moment
Try doing the same things you always do in the bedroom, but slow down to one-fourth of your normal speed. You and your guy will have time to really bond, and since you’ll be feeling sensation over a longer period of time, your orgasms will likely be out of this world. —Barbara Keesling, author of Discover Your Sensual Potential

Via: COSMOPOLITAN

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