The Pleasure Bunny Blog

We’ve tirelessly searched the web for you to find the best FREE porn sites around. The sites that made it to the final list had to fulfil a number of strict criteria, one of the most important being that they have to provide free content without redirecting you to other locations to watch them. They also aren’t jam packed with flashing ads, pop-ups or known viruses. These sex compilations feature quick loading times, eye-catching layouts, loads of variety, or some other unique and interesting attribute. The media that they stream isn’t just gimmicky one-minute clips either; they’re longer length videos and full length movies! You’ve gone enough material in this list for a lifetime of happy spanking…

Our Top 5 Recommended Sites
1. Spankwire.com
There is something for everyone on Spankwire.com, the top free porn video community on the web. They offer all the free porn that you could wish for, and it is updated every minute; they even make DVD downloads and streams available for FREE! These aren’t just three minute teaser clips either: they’re full length videos. Another useful (free) feature is that you set up a profile where you can save your favorite vids. The filtering capability was also effective.

The homepage presents high resolution images, which are divided into three sections: ‘Feature Videos’, ‘Videos That Need Votes’, and ‘What Others are Watching’. The design is really streamlined, easy on the eyes, and very intuitive. The lightweight page structure translates to really quick loading times for both the preview pages and the videos themselves. When you hover your mouse over a single video preview, it flashes through approximately 7 screen shots of what’s to come. It even offers the option of ‘getting your fix on the go’ by offering Spankwire mobile, as well as free iPhone porn.

A major advantage to the Spankwire site is that you can easily skip to any point of video by using their Scene Selection feature, by simply navigating the mouse over the toolbar. You also have the ability to change video frames as well as go to full screen. Another characteristic that gets encouraged is that viewers can rate the videos, which helps everyone else weed out the good from the bad.

2. Redtube.com
RedTube sports a really simple layout that’s easy to navigate. The black background is easy on the eyes and makes the color in the video boxes pop. There aren’t as many freebies on this one but it’s still worth bookmarking because you can enjoy a plethora of streaming content that you can watch from any point of the video. The preview thumbs flash through screen shots; once you pick what you want to watch, the loading time is quick.

RedTube offers content updated on a daily basis, with about twenty to thirty new videos to choose from. RedTube makes it really easy to upload your own content with just few simple steps to get your videos posted for millions of viewers to see. Another feature is the RedTubeDating section, an online personals section where you can sign up for free to check out photos and webcams from other members. This is cool if you’re into seeing amateur stuff and getting a chance to play via webcam or RedTube’s virtual Fling.

For a dollar you can get access to HD quality videos, Full DVDs, Save Your Favorites, Pornstars, and Downloads to your PC or mobile device. They advertise the upgrade for the RedTube Premium content fairly regularly throughout the site, but it is done tastefully and not in your face. Although HD is part of premium content, there are plenty of clips that are clearly labelled as HD that users can still enjoy for free.

3. YouPorn.com
Another pornographic knockoff of the YouTube layout and style, YouPorn supplies a huge variety of sex videos and full length movies available for free viewing. You can also stream the newest DVD’s and movies for when you sign up for YouPorn Premium. Their free porn supply is virtually endless and the content is updated daily. Other features include an entertaining SexBlog, Adult Dating, and Cams (which we hear is a big hit in China).

The layout of the site is clean and easy on the eyes. The video data summary is clearly displayed below the thumbnail that flashes through a number of screen shots. Although the speed can’t beat sites like Spankwire, you save time by intelligent filters. The ‘Recommended for You’ feature is especially fantastic; as you peruse the medley of porn and rate the videos, the site generates suggested content based on the selections you make.

Amateur content is flooding sites like these, and is facilitated by the fact that user generated submissions are easy to upload. The downside is that it dilutes the quality of the pool, with the image quality ranging from grainy to good.

According to website ranking company Alexa, YouPorn.com comes in at number 48 on their list of the top 500 sites on the web, {retrieved 6 May, 2009} positioned just ahead of CNN, ranked at 53, and nipping at the heels of the Internet Movie Database, cited number 44.

4. Pornhub.com
Following closely behind YouPorn on Alexa’s list of top internet sites is Pornhub, which flaunts a #1 adult site rating for 2009 according to PK and Associates. The site is always updating content to keep peoples’ “porno addictions alive and well.” They feature porn videos, downloadable DVDs, photo albums and an active forum. The filters make it easy to find what you want; you can even choose to limit your views to Homemade and Professionally made videos.

Pornhub is a community of people who share a great love of porn. Users can view their favorite videos as they like with no restriction to how many or how long. Its look is very similar to YouPorn’s, but the thumbnails are slightly smaller, allowing for more selections per page and quicker loading times. There are plenty of screen shots that flash when you hover your mouse over the preview image.

Becoming a member of the Pornhub community – which is free – allows members to upload movies to share with everyone, post comments, rate videos, and store favorites on your own member profile page. Downloads, HD quality content, and Pornstars are restricted to Premium users only (are you seeing a pattern yet?) Users will hopefully soon be able to add tags to posted content to help others in finding what they’re looking.

5. Xnxx.com
Also deserving of an honourable mention is xnxx.com, another free porn site where you can watch long flash porn videos that show off a profusion of diversity. It features plenty of free movies, photos, webcams, “Best Of”, an active community forum, and a detailed Pornstar listing. A unique element of Xnxx is the sex stories section, which is perfect for all of you literary types who like a good plot with their porn. This area also includes a spot for sex jokes as well as free games – mostly anime – such as adult online, flash, dress-up and fun.

The layout and lettering is very basic and the loading speed is average, but this website has an enormous collection and lots of suggestions for related videos. Xnxx demonstrates the value of not only tagging content after it has been uploaded but allowing users to do the same. You can contribute your favorite videos to their database, but it is done via Xvideos.com, their sponsor site.

You have the choice to browse the webpage using its current index, or you can stick to their multi category page index. There is a huge advantage in using the old index because the categories are really well laid out, allowing you to fine tune exactly what you’re looking for with just a few incredibly easy clicks. For example, if you to want to view (say) ‘Blow Job’. The categories filter according to pictures, movies or videos; you can view the list you generated or combine Blow Job with one or more search terms until you get exactly what you were looking. This is an easy way to trip over a fetish you never dreamed you had!

Final Thought
If you stop showing up for work because you can’t tear yourself away from the computer (and all this free sexual gratification that goes along with it) you can’t blame it on us, okay? Besides that, if you know of a worthy porn site that deserves an honourable mention, please post it in comments below!

Via: Sexinfo101

Sex Toys online www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

You might think you know what women want, but are you sure you’re not buying into some commonly believed myths? Look, you could assume women want you to be super macho, wax lyrical about your feelings and ditch your female friends, but it’s not that simple.

Here are some things women (really) don’t want in a partner or relationship, and what turns their interest on instead.

Myth No. 1
Women want to talk
It’s a known fact that women like to talk — a lot. In fact, research even points to how a woman uses 20,000 words a day compared to a man’s 7,000. Although you might think such info means women want to wrestle you into hour-long conversations, the truth is they just want you to listen to them talk. See, it’s much more important to her that you hear her out instead of warble back uninterested remarks.

So, instead of whining about how you don’t feel like chatting about your day, all you have to do is open your ears and hand her the invisible mic.

Myth No. 2
Women want macho men
When you and your woman are at a club and some random guy hits on her, you might think that she wants you to stand up to the plate and rustle the offender up a bit until you and the guy get Tasered by security. However, that just makes you look possessive and crazy, which makes her feel embarrassed. Yes, women want manly men who know their way under the hood of a car and can manage a household budget, but they aren’t impressed by a flashy show of macho behaviour — you’re not Joey Barton, please.

Myth No. 3
Women want to hear about your feelings
Many women have said they want men who will open up about their feelings. So we welcomed the metrosexual trend, which was not only about men packing on the moisturiser but also about lowering the fortress on their sensitive sides. That’s fine and well, but don’t open your emotional floodgates just for the sake of it or if it’s not your style. When women whine about wanting a man who expresses his feelings, they’re really saying that they want a man who’ll talk about his thoughts and opinions. That makes her feel more included in your world and helps her get to know you. It doesn’t mean she expects any badly written poetry or crying sessions either.

Myth No. 4
Women want to be the centre of your life
Now we’re hitting a touchy topic. You know what it’s like: You start dating a girl and the next minute she’s expecting to see you all of the time, trying to control your free time and talking about moving in and all sorts. Honestly, real, confident women don’t want to be the centre of your life. They are most attracted to men who already have full lives — friends, activities they love pursuing, passions, and interests. If you revolve your life around her, it can be a turn-off because then you come across as desperate or like you have no life. So, sure, go on and give her a starring role, but don’t make her the only character starring in the skit — she’ll get bored under the blinding spotlight.

Myth No. 5
Women want you to ditch your female friends
Platonic friendships outside of the relationship can be tumultuous, but your girlfriend isn’t bothered that you have female friends. Rather, she probably likes it because it shows her you’re well-balanced and know how to understand women. Not only do you have experience being there during female-related tough times and breakdowns, but if your female friends actually like you it means you know how to relate to women. This is important if you expect to have a relationship with one, you know.

Myth No. 6
Women want to be treated equally
Your Beyoncé-listening, independent girlfriend probably comes across as uber-strong, however, if you start treating her like she can fix her own kitchen sink or buy herself flowers, then you’re in trouble. See, just because she is capable of looking after herself doesn’t mean you should lose your gentlemanly ways. And yes, this holds true even if your woman is a loud and proud feminist.

What women mean when they demand equal treatment is that they want you to understand they can do things on their own and they don’t need a man around. And hell, they expect you to know this. However, they never inform you of the feminist disclaimer (probably to save face). They do want to be looked after and treated with chivalry when a man comes along because it makes them feel special. They just don’t want to have to tell you.

Via ASKMEN

Shop for sex toys www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.

One in five women have ended a relationship because their significant other was too tethered to a video game controller.

A survey commissioned by a British online shopping Web site also found that 80 percent of ladies think their current partner wastes too much time gaming or surfing the Internet. Likewise, 72 percent of guys believe their girlfriends could spend less time online; but only 6 percent, however, view this offense as grounds for breakup.

The study found the first person shooter “Call of Duty” was the video game most likely to cause couples to fight.

In a way, it’s like that beer commercial in which the guy chooses Miller Lite over his girlfriend. Only in real life your girlfriend probably isn’t that cute, and “Call of Duty” isn’t just a watered-down version of a superior video game.

Via Asylum

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

How to get over your breakup without resorting to binge-drinking or rebound guys.

If there’s one thing that redeems the terrible process of breaking up with someone, it’s the transformation-rich recovery period that follows. Don’t get us wrong: Breakups are a sad, sorry business, and even the cleanest ones entail some kind of annoying consequence or follow-up, like adjusting to an empty bed
or having to return that awesome space heater he left at your apartment. The key to making the most of your breakup is engaging in life-affirming activities: little things that will empower you start over and set out into the great unknown (singlehood—eek!) with courage and resilience. Resist binge-drinking, rebound guys or ex sex, and consider these fun post-breakup activities instead.

1) Vacationing
Breakups are stifling, and there’s no reason to sit around your house, marinating in everyday reminders of your ex, when you can be climbing the Great Wall of China
or sipping mimosas in a European villa. If you’re afraid of vacationing alone, bring a friend. If anything, you might meet a handsome stranger who can further distract you from what’s-his-face back home.

2) Chopping off your hair
It’s clichéd, we know, but the beautiful thing about breakups is that they provide you with a handy excuse for indulging in all kinds clichés for the sake of recovery. Makeovers help you start over by serving as a physical reminder that you’ve made a commitment to move on and change for the better. Remember how cute Reese Witherspoon’s breakup haircut looked after her divorce from Ryan Philippe? Get thee to a salon, long-tressed one! Just remember to let your stylist handle the sharp tools—haircuts are fun, but you don’t want to go down the Britney Spears route.

3) Redecorating your house or apartment
We’re not afraid to go Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on this one. While washing his scent off your couch covers, taking down his pictures and putting away his paperbacks, consider using the massive cleanup as an excuse for refurnishing. Buy new curtains, repaint the walls, change your color scheme or feng shui your living room. Redecorating will not only keep you from inactivity, but it will also boost your creativity and self-esteem. Once you’re finished with your home makeover, invite your friends (and their eligible single friends) over for a party to celebrate your work.

4) Finding a new hobby
The number of activities you can now commit to without the time constraints of a relationship are endless. Try writing a novel, making stop-motion videos, knitting scarves for the homeless, running a marathon, playing guitar, surfing or taking hip-hop dance classes. Instead of stuffing your face with ice cream and boxed pralines, become a foodie by getting busy in the kitchen and indulging in all the foods your ex disliked or could not eat. Setting fun goals that are unrelated to your relationship will wedge a necessary distance between you and your past.

5) Making new playlists
Don’t you hate how relationships can ruin certain songs? As hard as you try not to, you can’t help but associate The Weepies and Damien Rice with your dreamy, guitar-playing ex. Put that old playlist into temporary retirement, and resist wallowing in everyone’s go-to breakup anthem: Celine Dion’s “All By Myself.” Grab a friend and head to some shows featuring new artists. In the process of self-preserving, it’s easy to shut down all of your emotions and get jaded. Identifying with new music will maintain your emotional sensitivity while redirecting your feelings away from the resentment of a breakup.

Breaking up is hard to do. But starting over with a clean slate can definitely be a ton of fun.

Via YourTango

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk – Get over your break up with the help of our sex toys!

Your state of mind affects your response in the bedroom. How your brain can improve your sex life.

Your partner seduces you into the bedroom. You take off your clothes, climb into bed and… start thinking about the laundry, your belly pooch or the fight you had with your boss. If this happens to you when you hit the sack, you’re not alone. Many women’s minds turn to everything but pleasure during sex. Why do we do this? And how can we stop it?

Women are natural multi-taskers, which is helpful in daily life but can distract us in bed, when we should be focusing only on our pleasure and our partner. In addition to life’s responsibilities, we bring emotional troubles into the bedroom, which can take away from our enjoyment—sexual and otherwise.

“It’s not abnormal for women to get into an argument and fixate on it,” says Dr. Debra Laino, DHS, M.ED, MS, a certified sex therapist and relationship counselor in Wilmington, DE. “Women have a tendency to get stuck on things more than men do.”

Body image issues also follow us into bed. A September 2009 study revealed that one in twenty women had never had sober sex and that nearly half preferred getting tipsy before getting down, most likely so they could feel more secure. Another recent study found that women with a positive body image found it easier to orgasm.

Any of these distractions can, of course, ruin what should be a good time. “If a woman is already in a negative place emotionally, she is not likely to have an enjoyable sexual experience,” says Los Angeles, CA, psychologist Colleen Long, Psy.D. “If you are lacking body confidence, your brain can focus on those areas.”

Fortunately, there are ways you can re-train your brain to embrace the positive and pleasurable during sex and leave the stress and insecurity out. Here’s how to start.

1. Get out of the house.
You can’t go on vacation all the time, but you can spend $50 on a cheap motel. “A hotel room is one of the things that take you out of your environment,” Dr. Laino says. “You’re not thinking about the past and the future.” The change of scenery can distract you from your everyday worries.

2. Let Obama handle the economy.
We’re all concerned about money and job security, but you have to stop these stressors from disrupting your sex life. Only let yourself worry about them for thirty minutes a day and no more. Soon, this designated “worry period” will allow your brain to relax more easily in bed.

3. Schedule relaxation time with your partner.
After you’ve finished with your window of fretting, it’s time to relax with your partner. Taking just thirty minutes or an hour after the kids have gone to bed helps you stay connected and increases happiness, which will make your romps more rewarding.

4. Let the kitchen stay messy.
Trick yourself into realizing it’s OK to skip a chore by leaving the dishes in the sink overnight. The house and your life don’t fall apart, do they? The more often you let yourself off the hook, the less your brain will nag you.

5. And speaking of food, have dinner on the floor—preferably naked.
Doing everyday tasks differently is another way to get out of your element, which helps recreate the excitement you felt when you first fell in love and couldn’t get enough of each other.

6. Boost your body image.
When you look in the mirror, compliment your skin tone instead of calling your thighs flabby. The more you tell yourself positive things, the more your brain will believe them, Dr. Laino says. “Your brain is convincing itself that you are what you say you are.” Also remember that your partner is most likely focusing on the things he likes about your body, not the things you hate.

7. Give yourself permission.
You’re not being selfish by carving out carnal time. “Tell yourself, ‘I’m allowed to do this. This is part of my life,’” Dr. Laino advises.

8. Get naked out of bed.
Dr. Laino recommends spending time naked together. The goal isn’t to have sex, but to embrace, which will release the chemical oxytocin into the brain, making you feel safe and connected.

9. Don’t make it about performance.
Forget trying to look or act like a porn star and focus on what feels good. If you feel anxiety or body insecurity creeping in during the act, take deep breaths in through your nose and out your mouth. “It’s putting oxygen in your system and disrupting the anxious thought you had to make you focus on sensations in your body,” Dr. Laino says.

10. Leave some things out of the bedroom.
Talk about serious stuff with your partner in a neutral place so your mind doesn’t associate the bedroom with fighting or heavy conversation. “Don’t talk about money, parents, the kids or religion,” Dr. Laino suggests.

Follow these tips and you’ll help keep the brain doing what it’s supposed to be doing during intimacy: sending you love and pleasure feelings, not raining on your parade.

Via: YourTango

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk

Sexually Transmitted Infections Surface Soon After Teenage Girls Become Sexually Active
By Jennifer Warner

WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang

One in four teenage girls has a sexually transmitted infection (STI), according to a new study.

Researchers found that 24.1% of girls between the ages of 14 and 19 tested positive for one of five of the most common sexually transmitted infections, including human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex virus type 2, and chlamydia.

But what they say is most concerning is how soon these sexually transmitted infections appeared after teenage girls began engaging in sexual activity. The study showed that within one year of initiating sexual activity, 19.2% of teen girls had an STI.

“The prevalence of STIs among female adolescents is substantial, and STIs begin to be acquired soon after sexual initiation and with few sex partners,” write researcher Sara E. Forhan, MD, MPH, of the CDC and colleagues in Pediatrics.

The presence of a sexually transmitted infection does not necessarily mean that the person will develop symptoms of the disease. But some infections can lead to long-term complications, such as pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, and cervical cancer. Some STIs also increase the risk of becoming infected with HIV.

In the study, researchers analyzed information collected from 838 teenage girls aged 14-19 who participated in the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey in 2003-2004.

The girls were interviewed, examined, and tested for the following five sexually transmitted infections: gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, herpes simplex virus type 2, and HPV.

Overall, 24.1% tested positive for at least one of these STIs, and the prevalence was higher, 37.7%, among sexually experienced teenage girls.

The most common STI was HPV (18.3% of all girls) followed by chlamydia (3.9%).

“These findings highlight the importance of both primary and secondary STI prevention, including early, skill-based sex education; HPB vaccination of preadolescent girls; and chlamydia screening of all sexually active female adolescents,” the researchers write.

www.pleasurebunny.co.uk – Safe Sex

Singles: Patterns of Pursuit
There’s a long path from one heart to another. How to find your way through the meandering maze of dating.

WebMD Commentary from “Psychology Today”By Carlin Flora

A century ago, a 16-year-old Irish girl reluctantly arrived on Ellis Island, betrothed to a much older pub owner about whom she knew nothing. In love with a boy from her village, Bridget was devastated to become a New World bride. And though her husband was a kind man who stayed with her until his death, they never became close. She often let slip her lingering bitterness.

One hundred years later, my own experience of single life in New York City could not have been more different. Bridget, my great-grandmother, had just one ship ride between adolescence and marriage; I’ve had 15 years of dating. Her life was charted for her, her own feelings and wishes irrelevant. I had nothing but feelings and wishes to guide me. I had plenty of enriching experiences, but I also felt by turns anxious, rejected, guilty about rejecting others, and just plain lonely. I could choose unwisely, and there’d be no one else to blame. Autonomy is great, but it is not without its burdens. My tale concludes more happily than Bridget’s: I have the luxury of looking forward to a life with my true love.

Somewhere between Bridget’s arranged marriage and my protracted floundering lies a vast middle ground of single life that can be navigated happily, with an eye toward one’s ultimate goal: often, but not always, a committed partnership. It takes only a few principles of human nature, and insight into one’s own desires. While there’s clearly no formula for how to meet The One, psychologists agree on beliefs and strategies that inadvertently hold people back. This is not to say that the uncoupled are necessarily doing anything wrong; they may just not have stumbled into the right cafe at the right time.

Nonetheless, it’s worth taking an inventory of your romantic life. The successful single will be willing to turn a non-defensive eye toward his or her own dating patterns. Here I explore a few romantic cul de sacs that many singles encounter.

Dating Shake-Up #1: Get Out the *%*#$&(*# Door
Lady luck can seat you next to a gorgeous stranger at an open-air jazz concert. Watching TV in your living room, however, hardly facilitates serendipitous encounters. Putting yourself out there is a prerequisite to curing the loneliness that settles over you when you spend too many nights in.

Maybe you dread getting overlooked by people you’d meet if you were socializing. Or perhaps you’re afraid that if you do get into a relationship you’ll be distracted from other important goals. Whatever the hesitation, online dating could be a good way to get to know who’s out there while maintaining control and privacy. Still, if you want to partner up, you’ll have to get out eventually.

Ask a trusted friend to act as social coordinator—and simply promise to show up. Talk to someone openly about your self-perceptions to see if they match others’ ideas of who you are. Take on new work or extracurricular challenges to increase your self-esteem and your confidence that you can handle the pressures of the singles scene and are an attractive addition to it.

Dating Shake-Up #2: Cut out Choosiness—and Stop Choosing Poorly
Snapshot of the decision-making center of a twentysomething’s mind at a dinner party: “The girl sitting next to Chris is friendly, and she’s a politics geek, just like me. But there’s that speed-dating thing at the brewery next week, plus I haven’t written back to that blonde I met online last Thursday….”

Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore, has shown how gluts of products paralyze consumers, and he’s convinced that dating overload can similarly hamstring singles. “The temptation to not choose is great in a world where there is a large number of options,” Schwartz says. He advises shoppers to settle on “good enough” purchases, but finds it much harder to convince singles to apply the strategy to their love lives. “People think they need to find the absolute ‘best’ romantic partner for them,” Schwartz says. “But I believe that making a commitment is an act of faith. If you wait until you’re sure, you’ll die alone.”

Even if you’re not too picky, you may consistently fall for people who aren’t right for you. You’re attracted to bad boys or girls—a shot of adrenaline into a routine-filled life, but a letdown when you need a dependable companion. Or you gravitate toward quiet types, but soon enough feel frustrated with their lack of verbal input.

We learn how to relate to people through our family members and other significant relationships in early life. Sometimes those relationships aren’t easy or healthy, but they are what we know. We may have even developed a role to fit into our clan—say, the overachiever or the peacemaker. Say you were the charmer in your home, the one who pulled everyone else out of dour moods. If you were to meet a man who needed constant bucking up, you’d be comfortable and quite effective. But just because the arrangement would feel comfortable and familiar doesn’t mean he’d be a great partner who could support you emotionally.

You may even be attracted to particular people out of a desire, conscious or not, to rewrite bad endings. Chicago therapist Wendy Wasson recalls a patient who had a critical, judgmental father. The patient began dating someone who was accepting at first. But when he became distant and negative, she was suddenly desperate to please him. She wasn’t consciously aware that her boyfriend shared traits with her father, but Wasson helped her see that on some level she was trying to rework that family dynamic by winning the man over.

If you’re not sure whether you have a misguided yen for a certain type, list your past sweethearts’ prominent traits. While you’re at it, write down ten qualities that describe your ideal relationship. Instead of a grocery list of what you want in another person (blue eyes, likes hockey), this should detail what you value and what you most want someone else to bring out in you (we would hold each other to our goals, we would laugh frequently).

Psychologist M.P. Wylie, a relationships coach, puts clients through this exercise to remind them that all pairings are a pas de deux of personalities. It also encourages people to separate real deal-breakers (doesn’t want kids) from nitpicky requirements that might screen out true love. You say you require a college grad, but what if you meet an ambitious autodidact who doesn’t have that piece of paper? He or she might fulfill your desire for a partnership that fosters intellectual growth, even though the person wouldn’t meet your checklist.

Dating Shake-Up #3: Don’t Fall in Love with Love
Nicole had been daydreaming about their third date when his email popped into her inbox. All week she’d built up an ironclad case for why he was perfect for her, and marveled at how their interests dovetailed. Her friends were going to be so impressed!

The message was an unaffectionate request to reschedule. She felt a surge of anger: How could he act like this? Why wasn’t he at least excited to see her? She’d set herself up for disappointment because she expected him to conform to her fantasy, and not the reality—they barely knew each other.

Moving too fast, either by projecting hopes onto someone or by speeding up a natural getting-to-know-you phase, skews your ability to objectively judge a prospect.

“If attachment is the glue in relationships, then an accelerated attachment is like super glue. It activates a willingness to overlook and minimize obvious problems, it blinds your vision, and it intoxicates your emotions and hormones so that you feel safe and secure in this newfound love,” proclaims psychologist John Van Epp in his book How Not to Marry a Jerk.

In the early stages of romance, it’s wise to make non-date-related plans that are as exciting to you as your prospective partner is. And mom was right: Don’t jump into bed right away. Sleeping with someone prompts your brain to release neurochemicals such as oxytocin that spur bonding and make you feel more connected to and dependent on your bedmate than is wise at an early juncture. The bonding phenomenon is stronger for women in general, though men who have been without someone for a while can also become overly attached to a new sex partner in the absence of genuine affection, Van Epp says.

Once you know you can truly trust a dating partner, sexual intimacy can strengthen the connections you’ve already forged. But if the physical aspect of the relationship swamps your total time spent together—ideally in a variety of situations—you’re at risk of ending up with someone who won’t be good for you in the long run.

You’re probably marshaling counterevidence in the form of happily married couples who slept together on their first date and who are convinced that the amorous fast track had no negative impact on the ensuing relationship. That’s great for them, but if you want to aim for better relationship outcomes overall, consider waiting it out.

Dating Shake-Up #4: Heed Early Clues to Character
One of my friends stopped dating a smart, sweet, beautiful woman after discovering she possessed, of all horrors, a Celine Dion CD. Another friend

continued seeing a guy for six months even though he conducted lengthy phone calls with his ex and other women in front of her.

Assessing a partner’s worthiness is part art, part science: You must measure and weigh a constellation of quirks and qualities without losing sight of the whole person. How can you tell whether a single incompatibility is a deal breaker or an annoyance worth tolerating? Keep your eyes open for behaviors that signify distasteful and deeply-rooted attitudes. Don’t rationalize consistent displays of disrespect or irresponsibility—observe them carefully. Such bad behaviors will only get worse over time, when people are no longer out to impress you. The best marriages are the ones preceded by happy dating relationships, so take your partner at face value and don’t expect situations to magically improve over time.

However, it’s only fair to raise your concerns to your partner, and to give him or her a chance to change. Within a healthy relationship some behaviors are moldable. Gently bring up the issue (“sometimes it seems that you’re not listening to me when I tell you stories”) in order to put it into what Van Epp calls the “machinery” of the relationship. Your girlfriend may need to be reminded a few more times of her habit of spacing out while you talk, but it’s possible that after that, she will become a rapt listener. If you catch her daydreaming three or four more times, however, you have your answer as to whether or not she is capable of tuning in. You then must decide if you can live with that trait or not. If you can, discipline yourself to not get upset at the behavior, since you decided to put up with it.

Dating Shake-Up #5: Push Yourself Out of Your Patterns
While it’s a vital first step, understanding the patterns in your behavior isn’t enough. You must continually make yourself do what doesn’t come naturally. It’s comfortable for you to reject short men. So say yes to the next one who flirts with you. It’s easy for you to become overly dependent on new boyfriends, texting them every hour. So hide your phone and resist the urge. It’s tempting to cut things off before your new love starts talking about “the future”—so bring up the topic yourself

Consider a woman who was magnetized by macho men. Her alluring suitors quickly morphed into angry jerks. The consequent fights and breakups were devastating, and yet they never deterred her from going back for more with a new tough guy. Van Epp encouraged her to accept a date with a sensitive young man. Her mission was to expand her comfort zone: Even if it didn’t work out, she’d be more open to prospects like him in the future. She began spending time with him, and he didn’t thrill her. But she stuck to it and paced the relationship well, forgoing sexual contact. After a few months, she developed intimate feelings toward him that finally blossomed into a physical attraction. After a year, she fell deeply in love and married him.

Not all experiments in pattern breaking work out so well. Even after you’ve changed your counterproductive tendencies, you may still get your heart broken. In the face of such disappointments, you must be careful not to beat yourself up or write off every last member of the opposite sex.

Being single longer than you’d expected gives you the opportunity to find your way through a variety of entanglements and to understand how different sides of yourself emerge based on how you conduct your relationships and whom you choose to get close to. It also gives you the chance to build satisfying friendships.

“When singles realize that they need to take responsibility for themselves, they often feel empowered,” says Wasson. “And learning to appreciate other emotional bonds helps them build resilience.”

Wasson, who was single for much of her life, notes that when she met her partner in her 50s, he truly valued the life she had built for herself. It was, in fact, part of her appeal.

Wasson encourages single men and women to throw themselves into life when they least feel like doing so.

“If you take out a mallet or get cynical, it keeps you from moving on,” Wasson says. “Staying confident is, after all, what attracts people.”

In retrospect, although it wasn’t always pleasant, being single lent me precious time to make and nurture a wealth of friendships. I might not have forged such strong bonds had I not needed dating advice and support. In this sense, my romantic quest was worthwhile in more ways than one.

Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do. Here’s how to get through the tough times with your dignity intact.

Love Lessons: How to Break Up

WebMD Feature from “body+soul” Magazine By Susan Piver

It’s not easy to end a relationship. Our love expert shares a plan for getting through it.

Once I was in a relationship with the perfect man. He was cute. Funny. Had a great job. Our parents were friends. He made it clear that he was looking for something long-term. After a few months, he asked me to move in with him, and I did, leaving my yucky apartment for his beautiful house with leather couches and rosebushes. Friends started placing bets on when we would get engaged. Perfect, no?

No. Sadly, we had zero in common. It became obvious to me one night as we were eating dinner that we simply had nothing to talk about. The only sound in the room was his rather noisy breathing. “Why does he have to breathe so loud?” I wondered, and realized that this relationship didn’t have much hope if his breathing drove me nuts. It was time to end it.

Once it a while we all decide to make some big life changes. We think of losing weight, doing yoga, learning to ski. But what about facing an even bigger issue, like—deep breath—the relationship that just isn’t working anymore? If you know in your heart that it’s time to make a clean break, there’s usually only one good option: Be honest. But do it in a way that you won’t have to duck into a doorway if you see him walking down the street a year from now. You might not feel comfortable running into him, but you’d feel the dignity of someone who did the best she could to own her truth. Here’s how.

Set your intention
The secret to holding your own in difficult conversations is knowing what you’re going to say and why. If your goal is to honor yourself and him, your words will come across that way. If it’s to punish or hurt, those same words will land quite differently. So before you open your mouth, connect with your intention.

Remember the openness and longing for love—not the frustration or rage—that has led to your decision. It is easy to forget all of this once the conversation gets going, so bring a little on-the-spot reminder: Before you talk to him, pick out a bracelet or a ring that you don’t wear often. Hold it in your hand, close your eyes, and imbue it with your heartfelt wish for real love. Then put it on. During the actual conversation, use it as a focusing tool; touch it whenever you feel that you are getting lost.

Do a dry run
Ask a girlfriend to rehearse with you until you’re confident about what you’ll say. Enlist her to be on-call by the phone in case you need to talk to her afterward.

Be direct and keep it uncomplicated
Start the discussion with a headline. For instance, “I want to talk to you about our relationship. It’s really not working for me, and I want to explain why.” Forget the small print. (You’re not going to want to hear this,” or “Did you hear that Bill and Cathy broke up? It made me think.”) Don’t feel you have to have it all figured out before you talk to him. Say what you feel directly and honestly—and without aggression.

Be genuine
It’s totally okay to say, “Look, I have mixed feelings about this because I really love (value, admire, care for, like) you, but I think our relationship has become somewhat unhealthy. Instead of feeling charged up by being together, I feel depleted. I think I need to take a break.” If, during the conversation, you become frightened, upset, loving, or angry, let it show. Be sensible; don’t act phony. Authenticity engenders a more direct and honest communication.

Don’t blame him
No matter how disappointing or frustrating his behavior may or may not have been, own your decision based on your feelings, not his actions. The truth is, your reactions may have been sparked by his actions, but ultimately the shape they take is completely your own doing. Keep the emphasis on I: “I’m not happy” or “I want different things from a relationship,” as opposed to, “You don’t make me happy” or “You just don’t do it for me anymore.”

Don’t feel guilty
Go ahead and feel sad, remorseful, relieved, discombobulated, or uncomfortable, but don’t feel ashamed. You have a right to your vision for your own life.

What you wish for yourself, also wish for him
No matter how angry, disappointed, or “over it” you may feel, genuinely wish for him to find true love after you part ways. It’s the best way to remain focused on the positive reasons you’re ending the relationship. Here’s how: Take a moment to connect with your longing for love; really feel that ache in your chest. Imagine what it would be like if that ache dissolved because you were getting exactly the love you needed. Now take that feeling and extend it to include him. Imagine him also feeling loved and respected. And then, let go.

Don’t know if your relationship is really working? To gain some clarity, answer the following questions. A few days later, go back and answer them again. As you reread your responses, see what patterns emerge. Then you’ll know what actions, if any, you need to take.

+ Who has a higher opinion of the relationship, my friends or me?

+ When I imagine what our relationship will be like in 10 years, what I most look forward to is _______ and what I least look forward to is _______.

+ What I love most about myself is _______. What he loves most about me is _______.

Susan Piver is a Buddhist meditation teacher, practitioner, and author. Her latest book is How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. Visit her at susanpiver.com

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5 Ways to Make a Connection
Being able to quickly establish a deep bond with a woman is an ability that most guys lack. Often guys speak in a logical manner, not listening to the woman and turning every conversation back to their one and only talking point: themselves! This makes it hard to make proper connections and the woman does not feel as though she has had a great conversation.

Here is what you need to do to overcome this:

1. Relate things to them, not just to you or your life:
When somebody tells you that they have just had an interesting experience, like going to Thailand for example, it is a common mistake to instantly relate it back to yourself with your personal experiences of Thailand. Instead, try to imagine their experience, bringing out their memories and showing an interest in their unforgettable holiday. Don’t immediately make yourself the subject of the conversation, first connect for a while allowing the woman to elaborate on her experience and then it is fine to relate it to yourself.

2. Use what they give you:
When someone is talking to you they usually give you information about themselves: their feelings and their lives. These are perfect opportunities for foundations of connections. Often people ignore these and talk about themselves; instead, grasp every opportunity and connect on each point before moving on to the next.

3. Be Observant:
Women have usually put a lot of effort into their appearance and often, to their dismay, this goes unnoticed. By picking up on something interesting in the way they’re dressed or a particular aspect of their outfit (their bag might match their shoes, belt, earrings and dress), they will be impressed with how observant you are and be glad that their effort hasn’t been overlooked. You can pick up on general aspects of their appearance or comment on jewelery and accessories which often have meaning or a story behind them.

4. Be empathetic:
When someone has an interest, passion or particularly strong opinion on a subject, there are three main ways of connecting to it. The first is to simply say “me too” that shows you have common interests, the second is to disagree (but be sure to back up your views). The third and most effective response is to show that you can understand her passion, interest or view – even if you don’t share it. For example, if someone likes cooking you can show that you understand why she might enjoy it without actually sharing her passion.

5. Talk about things that evoke feeling:
Find something that they are passionate about – it could be anything from friends and family, to travel or even ballet. Connect with them on these subjects by showing that you understand why they have that particular passion. Don’t simply gloss over them by saying “me too” and instantly changing the subject. Try to keep the conversation going and lead on to ask about her other interests.

Use these steps during conversation and you will quickly form a connection within hours, as opposed to weeks.

This editorial was written for sexinfo101.com by Pick-Up Artist Training (www.puatraining.com ). For more information on becoming a master seducer, make sure to check them out!

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The 10 Secrets of Great Sex
Adrenaline, intense attraction, or the things they know how to do in bed; what is it about a sexual encounter that makes it so great? A group of researchers set out to answer this question and have recently released their findings in an innovative study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality (CJHS) entitled “The Components of Optimal Sexuality: A Portrait of ‘Great Sex”. They focused their attention on identifying specific characteristics that comprise ‘great sex’. The investigation was conducted in the hopes of debunking sexual myths, and to offer an broader view based on a spectrum of sexuality. The outcome of such work offers a new way for people to view “human erotic potential and expand our understanding of what sex can be”.

An Introduction to the Study
The data was accumulated from the answers collected in detailed interviews, which lasted anywhere between forty five minutes to two hours. The focal point of the questions was to learn more about optimal sexuality by learning about respondents’ best sexual experiences, then tabulating their responses to come up with the most common factors. The study based their findings on a total of sixty four participants, encompassing a diverse sampling of population. Those interviewed were men and women, diverse in age range, ethnic origin and sexual orientation; some also identified themselves as polyamorous, practitioners of S&M, as well as Sex Therapists. Participants’ ages ranged from twenty three to eight two years of age.

What Comprises Optimal Sex?
Sex is subjective. Many of the participants of the study put it this way, “no one can simply define ‘great sex’ for others”. Yet their responses revealed a great deal of commonality, despite differences in lifestyles, ages and Sexual Orientation. Ultimately, the study illustrated that “there may be many routes to experience great sex, but the actual experience can be very similar across varying individuals”.

Ten key components of phenomenal sexual experiences were identified during the course of research. Eight were deemed significant because they came up most often and were greatly emphasized by almost all respondents. The last two were characterized as insufficient in themselves to be necessary aspects of great sex, but were still considered by researchers as worthy of mention in the study.

1. Being present, focused and embodied
The state of feeling “totally absorbed in the moment”, of being completely in tune with the sensations being experienced during great sex, was stated by interviewees most often and ahead of any other characteristic of an ideal sexual experience.

Another distinguishing aspect was the ability of respondents and their sexual partners to completely let themselves go during sex. They were unimpeded by distractions such as the mental ‘running commentary’ that many people have trouble shutting off.

2. Connection, alignment, merger, being in synch
Many of the respondents believed that a deep connection between two people, irrespective of the length of the relationship (hours to years), was a key component of optimal sexual union. Some described it as feeling synchronistic during intimate contact and a sense of merger, a “loss of personal boundaries, a distinct loss of … self-awareness in the sense of separateness from the other”. Others characterized it as a powerful energy and a sense of connectivity that kindles between two individuals.

Interestingly, with all this talk of merger and fusion, those who responded most passionately regarding this aspect of sex noted that the more grounded they were in themselves (with a strong sense of self), the more capable they were to let go with another. Additionally, they emphasized the need to set clear boundaries, accept themselves for who they are, and feel respected by their partner.

3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
The essence of this category is to imagine the undercurrent of intimacy two people develop long before they actually have Sex . The panel asserted a powerful connection between erotic intimacy and a sense of safety/security in a relationship. This affinity can be derived by a “deep mutual respect, caring, genuine acceptance and admiration”. As it relates to this category of intimacy, practically every one who participated in this study expressed the importance of a profound sense of trust between lovers.

4. Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy
The emphasis on communication doesn’t stress individuals being technically skilled communicators as much as it underscores people’s capacity to truly and freely share themselves. Participants articulated the importance of listening well and paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. They also reiterated the ability “to recognize (in a sexual capacity), even without being told told, what and when a particular kind of touch elicits a certain response in your partner and another does not.” Non-verbal communication was seen as a vital component of transcendent sex. In order to successfully embody this element of sexuality interviewees stressed the responsibility of individuals to be emotionally mature enough to recognize their own needs and desires, in order to be able to convey them to their partners.

5. Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency
One woman summed up these qualities as “sex where you can say anything and be anything”. Authenticity in a sexual relationship involves individuals being entirely self-expressive, uninhibited and unself-conscious. With the results of this study continually building upon the importance of ‘letting go’ in relationships, the participants’ data proved another important corollary; being so completely genuine with another human being has an incredibly powerful effect emotionally and sexually. ‘Baring it all’ was considered by many to be liberating and an important component of amazing sex. It also gave permission to their partners to be free to do the same.

Respondents attributed much of their success in coming to such a state of confidence and genuineness, to letting go of restrictive sexual myths and unrealistic expectations as it relates to eroticism.

6. Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing
The feelings of “bliss, peace, awe, ecstasy and soulfulness” were the signature characteristics of extraordinary sex. Some likened the experience to the transcendent feeling reached during meditation (such as found in Tantric Sex), while it reminded others of timelessness and expansiveness. Being able to trust your sexual partner enough to let yourself experience such intensity was seen as the fundamental basis of these factors.

7. Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun
Participants of this study explained that great sex was a vehicle for them to discover themselves. By taking risks and pushing their own sexual boundaries, respondents felt a sense of adventure and personal growth, which in turn fuels further development and discovery. Many of them also agreed on the following, “What’s sex without a little fun and laughter?”

8. Vulnerability and surrender
The ability to give oneself over to their partner was a distinguishing factor between regular and amazing sex. Being willing to let go and feel vulnerable were among the characteristics that allowed individuals to achieve this state of interpersonal sexual abandon. There is a way to tell whether you’re truly surrendering to sex with your lover; as one interviewee put it, in unexceptional relationships, “There’s always some maybe small but detectable barriers, some things held back. In great sex, I think those (for me) disappear”.

9. Intense physical sensation and orgasm
There were a range of opinions presented as to the role Orgasms play in great sex. Both men and women agreed that an orgasm was not necessary for a sexual experience to be considered exceptional. However, they noted that orgasms seemed to come naturally anyway when they were having ‘great sex’. Some respondents also underscored the satisfaction they derived from a slow build up to pleasure.

10. Lust, desire, chemistry, attraction
A striking conclusion drawn from the results of these interviews was the role that lust and desire played in amazing sex. They made it onto the ‘Top Ten’ list not because they were valuable in and of themselves, but rather because of their impact when they’re mutually experienced. Whether individuals were drawn to one another through lust or attraction, their compelling chemistry influenced their perception of sex positively.

Breaking Sexual Ground
The study found that there was a lack of valid research regarding the nature of great sex, citing that experts in the field of Sexual Health actually have “minimal data on the farther reaches of human sexual potential”. It also pointed out that other studies have a tendency to not take into account the broader spectrum of sexual function; they either take a more black and white approach, or focus too attention on treating dysfunction.

Final Thoughts
One of the most significant outcomes of this study was that the actual ‘acts’ performed during sex were deemed inconsequential when compared to the “mindset and intent of the person or couple engaged in these acts”. These findings draw powerful conclusions about sex and healthy functioning, namely that individuals need not look outside of themselves to achieve great sex. Too great a focus on the physical mechanisms of sex will not be as fulfilling overall as the emotional, spiritual and psychological benefits of being present, embodied and vulnerable during sex. Additionally, the study encourages “comfort with self, personal and interpersonal exploration, revelation and acceptance”. If an individual can achieve this level of growth, they are more apt to take risks both sexually and psychically, and can discover erotic attributes that they did not even know they possessed!

Via: sexinfo101

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